6 Things Only Planets Will Understand

It ain't easy being a planet...

1. Your skin gets WORSE as you get older

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Acne is awful. You have tons of pockmarks from craters smashing into you, and you have LITERALLY mountain sized blemishes. Like legit Olympus Mons on your face.

2. You NEVER get any alone time

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Those freaking moons never leave you alone. Like imagine living a life where you constantly have to deal with being orbited and bothered. Jupiter has 67 of them. Earth can't even complain.

3. You can get bullied into non-planet status

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So you're just living your life, being a planet, and all the sudden you find out that you no longer fit the definition of a planet because you haven't cleared your orbit of other celestial bodies. You wonder how you could have been so foolish, thinking you could actually fit in with the big kids. The little guys always get picked on, right Pluto?

4. You're SUPER injury prone

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Remember how I was talking about craters smashing into you? Well that's not the only thing that hurts. Imagine the pain from volcanoes erupting all over you and being deformed by tectonism all the time. Mona Loa (one of Mars' largest volcanoes) will never let Mars rest.

5. You have an out of control smother mother

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Growing up, you had no freedom to explore and pave your own destiny in the universe. Your mom (AKA the Sun) always had an iron grip on your life, making you follow the same gosh darn orbit. On top of that, she totally plays favorites. Mercury is never more than 43 million miles away from mom, while she lets Pluto (even though it's not a planet anymore-lol) go as far as 4.59 billion miles.

6. You're not special...

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As David McCullough Jr. told Wellesley High School's 2012 graduating class, "you're not special" (speech can be found at https://theswellesleyreport.com/2012/06/wellesley-high-grads-told-youre-not-special/). This especially applies when you're a planet. As much as you want to believe that your status in the solar system is representative of your status in the universe, it's not so. Olympus Mons (on Mars) isn't the biggest mountain in the universe, just like Ganymede (Jupiter) isn't the biggest moon in the universe. Sorry guys, time to downsize your egos.