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The Winter Runner's Steeplechase As Told By Twin Peaks

It's a real hoot!

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Via ifzombiesweresupermodels.blogspot.com

Since ice-covered snow has seemingly become a permanent fixture of our environment, gravel and wooded paths have essentially become unusable for running. (I know some runners may argue, but I just picture all of you like this.) Therefore, one remaining option is paved trails that can be plowed; but, those are few and far between. Ultimately, the last resort is the roads and their adjoining sidewalks. However, homeowners and plow drivers have unwittingly transformed ordinary runs into extreme steeplechases. And, the act of running through these "steeplechases" inevitably leads to my repetitious chanting...

The run begins, as average non-winter runs do, on a cleared sidewalk. But, after a generous 15 feet, the first obstruction lies before you...

THE WHITE LODGE OF SNOW

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The only options are: to climb over it and risk falling through or venturing into the streets without being sideswiped by drivers who think you're only 12 mm wide.

Don't rest on your laurels for long because next is...

Then, BAM! You're hit with...

Before you can stomp the snow from your sneakers...

The reactionary laughter caused by the last obstacle is quickly wiped away by...

Before your hands and arms can recover from the frigid cold of the abrasive snow, you reach the dreaded...

The feeling as though you're George Washington having just crossed the Delaware does not last long as you reach...

Following that strange exploit...

M.I.K.E. (MASSIVE ICE KURVE EVENT)

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While this rural road may have less traffic, its barely plowed surface has become a solid sheet of slippery ice...that sharply curves...at its narrowest point.

It may be difficult to keep yourself from dangerously sliding into...

Your ear-piercing tirade is then cut short by...

After you have tackled this final obstacle, you reach...

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