Things Every College Freshman Should Know

Listen up maggots!

1. Here are your essentials: Student ID and Dorm Key

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Your roommate will not be there for you when you're locked out at 3 in the morning

P.S. Student discounts!

2. You will not be able to wake up for that 8AM class

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Especially on Mondays

3. You don't need all the books on that list

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As much as possible rent, buy used, or borrow a friend's

4. Your first semester grades will haunt you in senior year

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Everyone says that freshman year grades don't count... what a bunch of b@llsh!t

5. Buy yourself some shower slippers

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... duh

6. There is free pizza in every club's first meeting

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Unless you want 123978502385 newsletters, give them your fake email address.

7. It's not fruit punch... it's called Jungle Juice

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And don't bother asking the host what's in it. Cheers mate!

8. Bring extra flats when you go out

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You never know where you'll end in the morning

9. Freshman 15 is not a myth

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Just because you have the unlimited pass does not mean you'll have 8 meals a day

10. The library isn't the only place where you could study

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Especially during finals week

11.

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If you mess up your first year... you have 3 more years to redeem yourself. Good luck!