For 35 years, conservative Alan Belford Jones has babbled at his large radio audience for hours each weekday morning. From his studio at 2UE and later 2GB he's helped and hindered, lectured and hectored, and told one bad dad joke after another.
Getting pulled this way and that — fawning politicians and advertisers, desperate charities, wayward sportsmen in need of friendship counselling — can be exhausting, even when you're a single guy with no kids and once employed a butler and chef who inscribed "2GB" in cream on the top of your soup.
So it stands to reason you're likely to lose it every so often.
Jones — who retires from radio next Friday, outlasting BuzzFeed News Australia by a week — has for decades entertained the media and corners of the web with colourful off-air audio that was compiled by 2UE station employees for annual blooper tapes to be played at Christmas parties and leaked to Triple J's Hack program in the early noughties.
Please enjoy this collection of Alan losing his shit at 2UE last century.
"I've got to catch a plane at 10 o'clock to raise FUCKING money for charity and I've got these people here, sticking stuff up my bloody nose and my arse..."
"FUCK this! What?!"
"I don't give a FUCK..."
"All these deadshits from the corporate world..."
"Who the fuck's Huey Lewis?!"
"Dickheads..."
"I just don't see why my life should be turned into a FUCKING nightmare..."
"Indiana FUCKING Jones..."
"Get your hand above the table, right? What's that poking up at me like a broken penis for?"
"Oh there's FUCKING dust in this studio... if it was bloody John Laws or someone the whole joint would be cleaned out!"
"Jesus, it's bloody insufferable!"
"I can't breathe..."
"I'll be back on Monday morning with all you FUCKWITS..."
