1. Let's invite some friends over. No, not your friends. I mean mine. Like Moscato and Sangria.
2. Don't you dare downgrade me to that red solo cup, you get off your lazy ass and grab a glass from the cupboard.
3. I'm so happy we finally get to spend some quality time together. It's been too long.
4. Yes, two days without me is a long time
5. Should we watch a movie? I vote sad romantic comedies that will make you want to text that guy you've had a "thing" with for these past few months even though he refuses to accept your friend request on Facebook.
6. Stop making that face, it's not my fault you left me out to swelter in this disgusting room of yours that reeks of warmth and whatever you had for dinner.
7. Okay, forget the T.V. you actually don't look like shit for once, go ahead, take a selfie.
8. Alright, take twenty-seven.
9. Wait, make sure you post a picture of me on snapchat and Instagram!
10. Fine you selfish troll, don't.
11. Why don't you have another glass while you scroll through your feed?
12. You're literally only on your third and you don't even feel it yet, come on.
13. Yeah, the photo you posted was fine. I know I lied to you last time. And the time before that.
14. Look, you can trust me. You cannot trust you.
15. SEE, LOOK AT YOU SMILING SO JOLLY. TOLD YOU THIS WAS BETTER THAN GOING OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS THAT YOU KEEP DITCHING.
16. Is it hot in here, or is it just you? (It's not you, it's actually me. Because you forgot to put me in the freezer. Yet again).
17. Oh, still no text back? Better message all of those random scraps you met at the bar last month that you'd promise you'd hit up prior to them buying you two beers.
18. Beer. Ugh.
19. Look at your life choices. Look at your life.
20. Ah, here come the tears.
21. Shh, shh. It's okay. I'm here for you. And I always will be.
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