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1. Getting weird looks for wearing make up, because apparently it's a crime to wear a shitload of eyeliner in the morning. Even though this Grim Reaper face is how you scare people into not talking to you.
2. Getting weird looks for not wearing make up, because yeah, you look like a mole rat, but have you seen Kim Possible? Mole rats are fucking cute.
3. Spending more time waiting for a cardio machine than actually working out on one.
4. Straight up pouncing on the next available treadmill, because you've been waiting forever and homegirl is still gonna step to the conveyor belt and act like she doesn't see you.
5. Having to take a shit mid-run on the treadmill, but not wanting to stop, because YOU ARE A WARRIOR.
6. When your asshole burps and you think it's a silent wind that no one can hear or smell but comes out as loud as Jesus's cough, reeking worse than Satan's breath.
7. Pretending that the water falling from your pores doesn't make you look like you climbed out of a well. Or a toilet.
8. Smelling like something died. All over your skin. And being in close proximity with people who are looking at you like damn, I spy with my little nose some serious funk and it's coming from YOU.
9. Watching that one asshole take super long in between sets, so long that you might as well poop, pray, and take a shower, 'cause at this point the only way you're taking homie's spot is if you remove him yourself.
10. Wishing you could lift more than your own weight. Or lose more of your own weight.
11. Trying to be all body positivity when that mirror is being negative as hell, like damn, does the glass reflection really have to show that cottage cheese attached to your lower butt?
12. Finding a place on the matt to do stretches and sit ups and some serious floor bonding with complete strangers that don't know the meaning of fucking personal space, because do they really need the entire perimeter to do those weak ass crunches?
13. Trying to wear neon colored Spandex and walk like the confident traffic light that you are.
14. Pretending that the shorts riding up your ass aren't totally visible to the public.
15. Trying a new workout and being worried that you're doing it wrong, because what's with the stares?
16. Having to play scavenger hunt with some items that you left at particular stations, because why place your wallet safe in a locker when you can accidently leave it in the water bottle holder of the elliptical that you stopped using an hour ago?
17. Trying to fight through any pain/physical discomfort, but also trying to look like you can handle it, even though your eyebrows are scrunched like you're taking the meanest dump of your entire life.
18. The randoms that try to make conversation even though they don't realize that this is your "me" time and if they open their mouth one more time, you'll eat them, you swear to God's green grass you will.
19. Making flirty eyes at the cutie behind the front desk that has no idea you're about to fake a faint and get some serious CPR.
20. Upon leaving, still having that fear that you didn't go hard enough, even though you're not sure if you'll make it back to your place before your legs/arms/soul detach from your body.
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