Start your day with this book.
Make your money burgle-proof.
Ensure you're prepped to face the world.
Eat breakfast without getting cheese dust on your fingers.
Scramble an egg inside of its own shell.
Defeat the monster that is the freezing cold toilet seat.
Take a relaxing bath with a book.
Remind yourself how perfect you are.
If you have a baby, make sure he or she is all clean.
And safely ensconced in the best fort of all time.
At work, make this your desktop wallpaper.
Or turn your computer into a Shaquintosh.
Buy something crazy on eBay.
Sit however and wherever you want to sit.
Make up a new screenname.
Enlist the help of a higher power.
Make the most of your job.
Do a little redecorating.
Back home, make over your bathroom.
Attach a car vent air freshener to your AC.
Cover your refrigerator in pizza.
Turn your backyard into a comfy oasis.
Velcro your remote controls.
Make your cat do all the work.
Unwind by making a rainbow rose.
Or some pornographic perler art.
Make an extension cord monster friend.
Replace your queen with the mother of all queens.
Take a nap on a comforting bed of breadsticks.
Fill your fridge with something you love.
Make a quick and easy dinner.
(But remember the old adage:)
Draw chalk around the food that you don't want ants to get in.
Put some Kool-Aid in your beer.
Put scrunchies on your dog.
Remember that Bill Clinton used to listen to Hole.
And that life is both sweet AND sour.
Be glad you're not these guys.
Give yourself a fucking hug.