1. You can picture Larry David wearing your sneakers.
Some people can pull off "Cool Dad Style." Chances are, you are not one of them.
Instead: trade your staid cushioned insoles for a quality pair of brown leather boots or oxfords.
2. Your v-neck sweaters are moth-eaten and threadbare.
Helpful hint: clothing from the Old Navy sale rack were not meant to last a lifetime.
Instead: rely on a chunky fisherman sweater for warmth.
3. Your laptop bag is a relic from the dot-com bubble era.
Your laptop has moved on, yet your case is still the Windows 98 of messenger bags.
Instead: embrace the manbag, literally.
4. The coolest feature on your current wristwatch is Indiglo.
You might also be lucky enough to have a pointless alarm and the ability to withstand the pressure of 100 meters of water.
Instead: invest in a leather band watch.
5. You're frequently swimming in "blousy" work shirts.
Instead: do your figure a favor with a slim-cut button-down shirt.
And for crissakes, get a nice belt to go with them.
Tanner Goods makes beautiful leather belts that are just thin enough, with interest complementing metal details.
6. You own one scarf, and it's made out of polar fleece.
Instead: throw on a fringed scarf.
7. The only socks you own came in a "value pack."
"The wifebeater of socks."
Instead: dare to wear socks in a bright color or interesting pattern.
8. Your idea of "adventure" is leaving BOTH buttons of your tried-and-true polo shirt undone.
Your polo shirts are fine for summer, but hardly work as a "layering piece" for autumn.
Instead: come to terms with the universal truth that a plain striped tee goes under everything, from hoodies to sportcoats to sweaters.
9. You're still trying to get mileage out of a $10 pair of Urban Outfitters wayfarers.
Instead of being a protective accessory for your eyes, they've really just become a symbol of a thing in your life you managed not to lose.
Instead: shell out for nice pair of tortoiseshell-rimmed sunglasses.
10. Your jeans still have whiskers on them.
While Diesel was once a hot international men's fashion brand in the early to mid 2000's, it's time to let go of those prized jeans you once spent upwards of $200 on. They're unnatural. No superhuman could possibly create that many crease marks around their crotch area.