26. The Full Dog
For this, you will need a willing dog and preternatural sense of balance.
27. The Yin Yang
The Yin Yang sleeping position is two sides of the same coin - though you will need to decide with your partner which one of you is to be the evil one.
28. The Copykitten
Find a kitten. Imitate the kitten.
29. The Town Drunk
Alone or with a partner, this position is ideal for daytime sleeping, especially if you have already given up on pursuing a meaningful career.
30. The Window Dressing
It is easy to find the appropriate window, and easier still to adopt the appropriate posture for this sleeping position, but it will take years of practice to fully master the knowing, world-weary expression that is its most essential component.
31. The Reluctant Traveler
Tire yourself out asking whether we are “there yet,” then snore as loudly as possible.
32. The Pianist
Do not even consider attempting this unless you have a Steinway or (if you are desperate) a Mason & Hamlin.
33. Between Two Stools
Any old kitchen stools will do for this one, but it’s cheating to use paws, so make sure you have strong neck muscles!
34. The Clamp
Find a friend with a strong pair of thighs and get to work.
35. The Enthusiast
Find something to celebrate and then promptly lose interest.
36. The File Drawer
File yourself under either “C” for “Cat,” or “I” for “Idiot,” depending on the filing system in your home or office.
37. The Half-Handstand
You don’t need to be fully vertical for this one, but it’s very important that your back legs be pointing optimistically skyward.
38. The Disc Jockey
The shades will prevent people from knowing that you are asleep, but they won’t help in hiding the fact that you are kind of a douchebag.
39. The Porcelain God
This one is EXTREMELY ADVANCED. Do not attempt unless you have years of practice passing out in bathrooms.
40. The Surprise Package
Remember to act like you couldn’t possibly care less when someone opens the box and finds you inside.
41. The Tight Squeeze
You will have to become very good at ignoring all the haters who are like, “Now this box is definitely too small for you, Mr. Snugglypants.”
42. The Cliffhanger
Be sure to find a sleeping partner you can trust for this one, or you’ll end up as a big pile of fur underneath the chair.
43. The Guitarist
Do not even consider attempting this unless you have a Les Paul or (if you are desperate) a Fender.
44. The Bottom Drawer
Pretend you are a pair of stripey, furry, freshly laundered boxer shorts.
45. The CD Collection
Pretend you are a discarded and long-forgotten copy of Aerosmith’s 1993 smash “Get A Grip.”
46. The Cat Scan
Lie on your back and dream of being a perfect facsimile of yourself, crisp and warm from the output tray.
47. The Undercover Squirrel
Stay very still and think very hard about acorns.
48. The Narcoleptic Gymnast
For this one, you will need a lifelong dedication to the noble sport of gymnastics and a modest supply of Ambien.
49. Big Cat, Little Box
Do not let society constrain you with their antiquated ideas about “boundaries” and “things you really, genuinely can not fit into no matter how hard you try.”
50. The Full-Sink
Let the cool porcelain soothe your back as you dream contentedly about a houseful of people temporarily unable to brush their teeth.
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