Star Wars is the biggest hit of the year but it has nothing to do with me and that makes me angry.
It's no doubt that Star Wars is the biggest movie, perhaps even the biggest pop culture event, of 2015. In other words, whether or not you can tell the difference between a nerf-herder and a Wookie, you're probably going to see a lot of this movie in the coming weeks.
But, even the mightiest of Empires must fall, and though I'm sure plenty of you already have your blasters out ready to shoot first, please hear me out. Star Wars: The Force Awakens is worse than the prequels. And here's why:
As an editorial writer for a site that prioritizes sponsored content and clicks-per-page, I've been asked to do what I always do with big world events that have nothing to do with me: make it about me. I've been assigned to write a Think Piece about The Force Awakens.
Usually, this is pretty easy. I take a reasonable opinion I have on a relevant political or social issue, apply it to a piece of popular culture, exaggerate that opinion to a logical extreme, slap an even more exaggerated title to it, and call it a day.
However, this piece in particular has been rather difficult, mostly because I don't actually care about Star Wars. It has nothing to do with me. I didn't watch them as a kid, and only watched them at all because some of my dick friends in college made a big deal out of the fact that I hadn't seen them.
And I mean they were fine, they were whatever for me, not my cup of tea. I'm a big fan of the Fifth Element myself. But it's kind of frustrating for everyone to be going so crazy for these movies when they don't have anything to do with my identity. When I see so many social media posts hyped up for the new movie, it becomes isolating, like it's a pop-culture conversation that I don't get to partake in.
Now, you have to understand, I pride myself on a witty, chuckle-worthy, mildly-left leaning social media presence. I live-tweet every republican debate, instagramed the playbill of the first time I saw Hamilton, and even got up to 20 favorites on a Jurassic World post comparing a T-Rex to Donald Trump. So when I make a post that says "I don't particularly care for Star Wars" and it gets just 3 Facebook likes, I take personal offense.
I've spent countless hours trying to find a social or political problem with this movie with no avail. I've mapped out a list of plot-holes to make those people on my social media feeds shut up and look at what I HAVE TO SAY about all of this. I have desperately tried to originate some massive claim, anything that would flood my comments section with anger or joy and make me feel like I'm relevant in all of this.
But I can't. And that sucks. Because what are think pieces for if to not make me seem important in a conversation that has nothing to do with me?
So that's why the prequels are better than this movie. Because at least with the prequels I could say "Jar Jar sucks and might be racist" and people would like and share that.
Also because I know people will angrily click this title and get more views. Thank you.
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