I am an Indian student who does her PhD in a first world European country. Even though I have only stayed in Europe for 2 years, I have faced a lot of challenges regarding immigration. When I came here, I was submerged (like a whole lot of us) in post-colonial image of first world countries. In my country, first world countries especially those with predominant white population are painted as a 'paradise'. So I decided to come to Europe to pursue my academic degree and dreamt of settling here. But after two years, if you ask me "Do you want to continue living in Europe?" my answer will be NO. There are two main reasons for my change of heart: a) First world countries are not paradise as compared to third world countries; b) I don't want to continue my life as 'other'. But most people always assume that I must want to stay here forever and they constantly remind me of the 'perfect immigrant'. Sadly no one can or will reach the status of the perfect immigrant and hence face exclusion. The following is the list of characteristics that the perfect immigrant should have (in my experience). I apologise if I miss any point since this list is not exhaustive.
1)You cannot talk about how the first world country accumulated their wealth. Most likely it is colonisation and slavery but don't talk about it EVER.
2)You should acknowledge that the society of this country is more liberal and open minded than yours back home. Sadly in my case this hasn't been true, since I grew up in a matriarchal society which is less sexist than any society that I have ever come across (ironically it exists in a tiny corner of India).
3)You should always be grateful to the country to take you in, even if you pay higher taxes than other EU citizens.
4)You cannot have any expectations from the country (maybe some but be realistic OK!). As I mentioned before post-colonialism posts a rosy picture of western European countries, which are often unrealistic and far-fetched.
5)You should not be proud of your culture and shouldn't exhibit symbols of it proudly, yet if other people ask you to 'teach' them certain elements you should be more than eager to do it. I am always more than happy to teach you anything you want, but at the same time I am proud of the things that I am going to teach.
6)However good your English/Spanish/German/French (etc.) is/are you, if someone tries to correct it accept the correction readily. DO NOT I repeat here DO NOT try to make the person understand that there might be other forms of the language. And don't even dare to explain the complicated relationship that you might have with the language since you come from the ex-colonies.
7)Don't complain about the size/colour/any attribution of the dresses or accessories or make-up you get here because what they have here is the 'norm'.
8)Don't be proud of your skin colour but don't say it out loud. And when people compare their extent of tanning with your skin, don't get offended because tanning is good (for white people).
9)Don't try to remind everyone that the standard of beauty that you grew up with is different than theirs. This confuses everyone and it is extremely hard to explain why their standard of beauty isn't the norm. I am against all standards of beauty, but there are certain beauty practices that you perform and it is different culture to culture.
10)If someone ever says that they cannot distinguish between people of different race, understand why they are saying it. But never say that you can't tell the age of 'white people' or can't distinguish between them very well.
11)If you have elements of your culture which are widespread now across the globe, e.g. sushi (yoga in my case) don't dare to own it as part of your culture. You are supposed to be open minded about it and not accepting yoga + pilates as offensive is BAD.
12)You should be eager to adjust yourself completely to fit into the new society and yet if someone asks you how you can break the rules (read stereotypes here) don't call that person out. I am often told that I should speak British English here since I live in Europe, but if I drink at a party some stranger ask me about it.
13)You can't be offended by someone who says that you must belong from a first world country. A lot of times people think that I must come from UK/USA, and I am offended that they can't think that a girl who wears pants can come from India (where at least one woman is raped in 20 min). I think that this is the other end of 'Where are you actually from'?
14)You can't show the customs that are commonplace in your country since the customs in Europe are the 'norm'. This often varies from custom to custom; whenever I eat with my hands during lunch, I am stared and commented at.
15)Know that whatever happens, it is you who should be understanding and the responsibilities of representing your country 'nicely' in every sphere rests on you. Also, when you do explain racism to someone you have to be the nice one and constantly remember point number 2.
16)If someone hasn't heard of a third world country fact and thinks that you're not telling the truth (because they didn't bother to learn about it before commenting) accept that their version is the truth.
I apologise again if I missed any point since I get it much easier than other immigrants. I am brown who studies at a university in a major city; the combination itself makes my life way easier than others. I also want to mention that not everyone from the first world countries (talking about predominant white countries here) thinks these things, in fact most of them don't (I hope) but there are a few bad apples everywhere. I realise that a lot of multiple generation immigrants are targeted with these or even worse ideals.
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