There are many things in life that I hate (like people), but there's nothing I despise more than your breakfast fave, eggs.
Hear me out (or don't, I'm not your parent):
1.
For one, what are eggs anyway? An unformed chicken fetus? I'll pass, but thanks.
2.
You also have to crack 'em, which is one more step than I'm willing to take for this trash food.
3.
And that's if they didn't already get destroyed on your way home from the grocery store.
4.
They smell like a septic tank that's dangerously full.
5.
They also have a default taste of NOTHING and a texture that's not even worth describing.
6.
Sure, eggs are versatile, but who thought runny eggs were a cute option? They violate all the food around them!
7.
A lightly cooked egg also puts you at risk for salmonella. Yea, lemme just die for an over-easy egg.
8.
You can also thank that egg for ruining cookie dough.
9.
People feel the need to add eggs to every single breakfast and brunch dish known to humankind.
10.
They also mock me every damn Christmas. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, SMUG-FACED EGGNOG.
11.
And if you thought I'd be safe from eggs in the summer, nopeee. Someone had to go and ruin June 3rd for all of us.
12.
Scrambled eggs look like the bits and chunks of a college student's drunken vomit.
13.
And a boiled egg has the power to transform a delicious dish into a problematic mess.
14.
I, however, draw the line at poached eggs. My gag reflex can't take it.
15.
Torture contraptions are being built to summon these egg demons, and frankly, I don't need a turd lookin' egg in my life.
16.
*vomits violently in mouth*
17.
Excuse me, while I wipe my memory of these vile, vile images.
All you egg lovers out there can do as you please, but I'm not trying to eggs-ecute my appetite.
