1. If you're the proud parent of a cat, then you already know what I'm going to talk to you about.
2. You're sitting/lying there, living your life, when your cat child thinks to themselves, "You know what? I'm gonna hold my human hostage today."
3. So they crawl onto your lap/face/shoulder/anywhere they can, use you as their personal heater, and begin to doze off into what seems like the deepest sleep ever.
4. Hell, sometimes they're not even asleep. They just want you to know that you are in fact their human pillow.
6. I'm gonna guess you're not, so chances are this is your life now.
7. You never thought that this is how you would die, but you only hope that someone brings you snacks and water.
8. Your kidneys will begin screaming for relief eventually, but even they can't budge for a sleeping cat.
9. Moving them is simply not an option, so you roll with it and begin to power through the pain.
10. You hope this is just a short power nap, but a half hour passes, and they're still asleep. How are your limbs THIS comfortable for them?
11. You might as well clear your calendar because literally nothing else is getting done today.
12. Parts of your body then begin to go numb from staying so still, and you accept your new reality.
13. Maybe this has been your life's purpose all along?
14.
If you're lucky, you'll have one free hand to document the evidence and call for help.
Twitter: @TVCarpio1
15. Other people will say "aww" to your pet when you share your photo and cry for help online.
16. But where is the "aww" for you, the one who is eternally trapped?
17. A cat at rest is simultaneously the cutest and deadliest thing to ever happen to cat parents, but there is no higher purpose in life than to be the cat bed you were always destined to be.
