How To Star In A Horror Film

Why should Freddy Krueger have all the fun? Lose some common sense and jump right in!

Abandoned Places = Disneyland

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Is this that one place where that one murder happened on Halloween on this exact night 20 years ago and the killer was never caught? Perfect! Let's go! It's in the middle of nowhere where you don't get cell service? What could go wrong?!

Always split up!

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Find yourself in a sketchy barn in the middle of a corn field? Split your group of friends up to cover more ground! Besides, you can take Leatherface on all by yourself, right?

Hear A Strange Noise? Investigate!

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Hear something in the living room when nobody else is home? How about that whisper coming from the other room? That's strange, you should go see what's up.

Never fix your car.

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Is your car old and showing signs of trouble? Never see a mechanic. Wait until it breaks down on a lonely dirt road on a rainy day until you realize that would have probably been a good idea.

Run for your life!

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Killer in your house? Run! Not to your neighbor's house or to a car, but down the street or preferably into an abandoned forest. Bonus points if you keep looking back and then trip.

Never believe your spouse or child.

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Does your wife report having seen strange figures around the house and heard voices? Does your 10-year old son draw horrifying pictures and then claim an imaginary friend told him to? Don't believe them. They're lying and they're probably "crazy."

Harm your assailant.

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If you manage to get your hands on a weapon, use it, all it takes is one bullet to kill him, right? Think again, turn around.

Have Sex

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Getting frisky is always fun. Warning: a killer might walk in on you. Awkward.

It's raining? Great!

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Did it start raining heavily out of nowhere? Is there an ominous fog rolling through for no particular reason? Cool. Good luck.

A spirit says "Get Out"? Stay.

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If a territorial spirit uses blood to write "Get Out" or "You're Next" on the walls of your home, you should stay anyway. It's just being friendly.

Adopt a doll

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Doll's make for wonderful play toys, for both children and the undead. Keep them around, they'll even rearrange themselves! How convenient!

Congrats! You're on your way to becoming the next horror movie star!

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Good luck. You're gonna need it.