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A Pity Party For Victims Of Allergy Season

This one goes out to the stuffy-nosed, dry-eyed, and phlegmy heroes who have to deal with the Earth's constant need to change seasons even though it's clearly a direct assault on their bodies and no one is doing anything to stop it!

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So you're enjoying winter like the total ice boss that you are.

When all of a sudden you notice something.

It snuck up on you again, like it always does!


The season when all your friends go outside to cover themselves in pollen or whatever it is you do in the spring.

It's not your fault you can't frolic outside like everybody else... you were built differently.

This is everybody else's nose in the spring as represented by a dog door...

And this is your nose during spring as represented by a dog door.

In the summer, once the trees have stopped trying to poison you with their airborne allergen missiles, you're a jaw dropping ball of fun.

But for the next three months your life is a perpetual hangover.

Your usually silky smooth skin becomes bran-flake-dry and resembles a case of mild leprosy.

Your eyes, that more than once you've been told have a sparkle in them, become a Clear Eyes commercial nightmare.

And when you see someone you think you want to have children with...

You want to be all like...

But with your bloated face retaining water like a camel with trust issues, even when you try your hardest you look like...

You've tried every quick-fix trick in the book.

And umm...

So deal with it in whichever way works for you.

(Those are decongestants people, don't get weird...)

(Those are decongestants people, don't get weird...)

And bid the outdoors farewell... See you in June!

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