67 Thoughts You Have When You're Trying To Quit Drinking Coffee

    "I'll just quit next week, no biggie."

    1. I need to quit coffee.

    2. I'm spending waaaay too much money on it.

    3. At least 20 bucks a week.

    4. That's, like, a thousand bucks a year.

    6. But it tastes so goooood.

    7. I'll just quit next week, no biggie.

    8. I do have trouble sleeping, though.

    9. Maybe quitting will help me sleep better?

    10. If I sleep better, I won't need coffee!

    11. I could FINALLY avoid the dreaded coffee shits.

    12. Coffee shits are the worst. Well, after beer shits.

    13. I won't have to sweat during meetings while I hold it in.

    14. OK, maybe I CAN quit.

    15. I'll quit TOMORROW.

    16. ~Today~ is the day I quit.

    17. I already feel GREAT, this isn't hard at all.

    18. Why must today be the day ALL my coworkers want to get coffee?

    19. Don't be a dick, maybe you should go.

    20. You can just get a small black coffee.

    21. Hmm… maybe hot chocolate?

    22. But everyone will think you're 11 years old.

    23. Who cares what they think!!!

    24. I do.

    25. Is that a headache?

    26. Eh, it'll go away.

    27. Who put my head INTO A VICE?

    28. Just have a sip of coffee and it'll be all better.

    29. NO! Power through it.

    30. Jesus, I'm a yawning machine.

    31. Why is it so hard to poop now?

    32. Why is it so hard to get work done?

    33. Why is everyone so FUCKING ANNOYING today?!

    34. Oh, look, everyone is going to get coffee without me.

    35. Pretend you don't wanna go, pretend you don't wanna go.

    36. One week without coffee. DONE.

    37. Maybe you should reward yourself with a cup of coffee.

    38. STOP IT. STOP IT.

    39. Don't go to Starbucks, don't go to Starbucks, don't go to Starbucks.

    40. But it smells so gooooood.

    41. The baristas are probably worried about me.

    42. Maybe I should go let them know I'm not murdered.

    43. A week and a half! SUP COFFEE? You don't own me.

    44. But I want something warm in the mornin'.

    45. Does decaf count?

    47. Maybe I can try green tea.

    48. It's supposed to be healthier. Antioxidants 'n shit.

    49. This is nice, i'm all zenned out.

    50. Why are my eyelids so heavy?


    52. That little nap was refreshing.

    53. You know, I don't really miss the caffeine withdrawal headaches.

    54. Now I fall asleep when I'm tired.

    55. AND I'm saving money.

    56. See, you could do it!

    57. I think it's safe to have some coffee.

    58. Go to Starbucks go to Starbucks go to Starbucks.

    59. Venti or Grande?

    60. VENTI.


    62. I <3 <3 <3 this burst of energy.

    63. Whoa, where's the bathroom?

    64. Day is almost over, maybe you should get another coffee.

    65. MMMMMMMM coffee.

    66. You can quit next week.

    67. You can quit WHENEVER YOU WANT.