The 12 Worst Photos On Tinder By Men Over 40

I signed up on Tinder a week ago, in self-defense. When a concerned twenty-something intense Type-A announced she was going to set up a profile for me, I decided to do it myself and use this as a social experiment. I am over fifty, so to review the broadest range possible I set the limits of the app to 40 and above for age and distance to the maximum of 100 miles. Thank you "Men of Tinder" for validating the reason I remain single. As a result of my review of hundreds of profiles this week, I’m offering a few photo suggestions for those wanting to improve your chances with women in your age group.

1. Delete photos of bare body parts - any body part

Tinder

If we like you, we will see it soon enough. If you’ve been working out, trust me, we can tell that when you have your clothes on.

2. Dress for Success

Tinder

Forget strip-club t-shirts, Lucha Libre masks, lampshades, and cartoon character or superhero costumes. A clean, pressed shirt is a lot sexier to women in your age range. Above all, no speedos or jockstraps - never!

3. If we want to see your balls - we'll ask

Tinder

Why waste valuable sales real estate with photos of random objects and movie stills? Do not post bunnies made from golf balls, your clown doll or electric guitar collection.

On the other hand, leave them in. You’ve given us fair warning that we need to immediately swipe left.

4. Pay attention to what's in the background

Real Tinder Profile

Bongs, dirty laundry, naked women, filthy bathrooms, or stacks of dirty dishes in the background don’t make us want to swipe right.

5. No Photos Over Six Months Old

imdb / Via imdb.com

Unless you're hoping to connect with an old high school or college sweetheart, you shouldn't post any photos that aren't current. We don't care what you looked like in the terrible styles of our youth – when you had a full head of hair and a six-pack both on your abdomen and in your hands. In case you hadn't heard – bald is sexy. Ask Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel, Patrick Stewart, Jason Statham,or Dwayne Johnson.

6. Hunting and Fishing

Tinder

We know photos of your latest man vs nature victory make you feel manly but unless I’m prepping for the zombie apocalypse, I don’t care. Just use five words of your 500 allotted to say “enjoy hunting and saltwater fishing”.

7. No long hair

Tinder

Unless you are Willie Nelson, there is no reason for your hair to be past your shoulders. Especially if you have a comb-over. We’ve been over the long-haired-rocker phase since 1996.

8. Your mid-life crisis

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It is not a requirement when you turn 40 to grow an 80’s porn star mustache, don leather, and buy a motorcycle. We'll swipe left.

9. Women in your photos

Tinder

Don't upload photos that include other women. We won’t stick around long enough to find out if she’s your sister, cousin, friend, wife, or girlfriend – especially if she’s in her twenties riding you piggyback, or standing over you in a micro-bikini holding a beer-bong over your passed-out, sunburned body.

10. Mirror Selfies

This is 2016 – your camera phone has a reverse function for selfies. If you’re still using the mirror reflection for your photos, ask your grandkids how to do it. Or have them take the photos for you.

11. In the Bedroom

Tinder

Photos of you in bed are, in general, just plain creepy. Passed out drunk on a stained bare mattress? Thanks but we'll take a pass on you too.

12. Sex

Yes, we know you think you're the best we'll ever have, but don't lead with it. Allow us to be pleasantly surprised if you actually manage to round third base. Posting a photo of a "hoodie" on a crappy old dirty car will earn you an instant left swipe.