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I was pooped on twice within the past week/week and a half. I had never been pooped on by a bird in my entire life. The first time was in my hair and the second time was on my bosom.
1. What is this?
2. Did I just get pooped on?
3. How the heck do I remove this?
4. Where is the nearest bathroom?
5. Excuse me, do you have club soda that you would be so kind as to dump on a napkin so that I can remove the bird feces from my bosom?
6. Why won't it come out?!
7. Why did this have to happen today?
8. What were the chances of me being the victim?
9. Why are people watching me use the hand dryer to dry the rest of my body?
10. Is this really good luck?
11. Would it be weird if I just started wearing a rain poncho everywhere?
12. Has anyone ever been pooped on at an outdoor wedding?
13. Do birds pee?
14. Do I even go back outside?
15. When will another bird strike again?
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