Everyone knows about the bastard known as heart break, and, chances are, you have dealt with him first hand. That person that you held above everyone else has taken the heart you have given them and thrown it back at you in a condition that is tattered and bruised. At first you can barely stand on your own two feet because you are so used to having that significant other to hold as your crutch. The fact that you have to keep on living as if nothing has changed is equally as painful as being punched in the gut repeatedly, yet you try to stay strong. The days are long and the nights are lonely, but it is a part of life that everyone faces at least once.
If you are one of the lucky ones, you dealt with a break up when you were surrounded by loved ones and when you were in a comfortable routine that's familiarity helped soothe the ache. Unfortunately for me, I had to deal with it during my first week of my freshman year in college. My boyfriend and I were together for several years and he decided it would be best if we end things the week before I started my classes. A feeling of defeat washed over me and I felt as though I would never be able to recover. I had one friend from my hometown who was my roommate, but other than her I was in completely new territory.
When my first week of classes rolled around, I could do everything but focus. I had not been single since I was a freshman in high school, and as many are aware, freshman year of college is drastically different. I barely knew how to present myself to others, never mind take on the hardest courses I have ever had and try to figure out where I fit in on this crazy campus. It seemed that everywhere I looked all that I saw were either couples or people who somehow already had the next four years here planned out. I have never felt more clueless.
However, when I was in my relationship, without even realizing it, I was constantly making decisions that suited the both of us, and not necessarily what I had wanted. Constant compromise. And while compromise is sometimes what it takes to maintain a strong foundation for your relationship to build off of, I was so young. I am so young. Far too young to be making compromises for others when I barely even know myself. Without having my boyfriend around, I was able to only think about myself for the first time in my adult life, and it was incredible.
I went to every club meeting that I thought might be interesting and joined as many as I could make time for. I made a meeting with a study abroad adviser and am planning to head to Scotland next spring. I went on a Habitat for Humanity trip to Chicago and met incredible people. I was able to go to parties with my friends and not be worried that my boyfriend would be upset with me.
Being single my freshman year was painful at first and hard to adapt, but it was easily the best thing to ever happen to me. If we were still dating, I do not know what same decisions that I would have made or if I would have been able to become the person that I am today. Do I hope to find love? Of course. But in the mean time I am going to keep finding myself and let college have its effect on me.
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