5 Foolproof Ways To Stop Yourself From Acts Of Crimethink

Some easy tips from your local Thought Police. Are you afraid that you are going to commit acts of crimethink? Are you paranoid that that sound you hear at night isn't your food-cooler, but actually the sound of The Thought Police at your doorstep? Or even worse, the sound of crimethink in your head? Worry not, comrade - if you take the advice below, you will stop yourself from thinking ungood thoughts.

1. Practice Party Arithmetic

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When Big Brother – peace be with him – came into power, Oceania simply became better. More abundant. Thus, numbers now have an absolute value of (n + 0.25n) which explains why 2+2=5, as (2+(0.25)2) + (2+(0.25)2) = 5. Thanks BB!

2. Practice Abstinence!

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Party Members are disgusting in that they physically immerse themselves (quite literally) in proletariat prostitutes on a di-yearly basis. Proles are doubleunplusgood; they are unclean animals. Whenever you feel lust in your loins, shut it out. Think, “This comrade probably has a venereal disease; I do not want a venereal disease. This comrade has a venereal disease; I do not want a venereal disease. This comrade definitely has a venereal disease; I do not want a venereal disease.” Invest your energy in the Two Minute Hate, or in Morning Stretches; not on spreading your STD to your next sexual partner.

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"Stay safe, kids! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League!"

3. Practice Bellyfeel.

Via oyster.ignimgs.com

Do not question what Big Brother says; what Big Brother says is truth.

Bellyfeel, as you should know, is a Newspeak word meaning, "Acceptance of Big Brother's words."

Big Brother’s words should create a soothing feeling in your belly; you should feel a warm feeling in your stomach, like Big Brother’s words on the telescreen are uncold Victory soup for your belly.

Do not question what Big Brother says; what Big Brother says is the truth.

Do not question what Big Brother says; what Big Brother says is the truth.

4. Have Lots and Lots of Children, But Not With Somebody You Like!

Via theblaze.com

Having a family that you like will distract you and use up your energy. On the other hand, having children via goodsex or artsem with an orthodox Party comrade is the doubleplusgood option. Having more children means having more persons in the house to make sure that you do not commit crimethink.

5. If You Have Memories, Immediately Forget Them

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Big Brother is good; he does not want his people to feel burdened with the weight of the past. According to Big Brother, the less memories you have, the happier you are. And Big Brother is always right.

There you go, Party Comrade! 5 foolproof ways to stop crimethink pre-crimethink! Just remember, Big Brother is always right. Big Brother is always just.

Do not question what Big Brother says; what Big Brother says is the truth.