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26 Secrets People From British-Iranian Families Won't Tell You

Dooset daram, mum and dad.

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1. Our friends were always begging to come to our house for dinner.

Our mum's rice was the best in town and they knew it.

2. And while we're on the topic of rice, we don't understand why anyone would eat it plain.

It's so bland! Get some barberries, saffron, or sumac on that right now.

3. Instead of soggy sandwiches, we took the leftovers of this to school.

Sorry not sorry.

4. In tupperware, obviously. Because our parents stored everything in tupperware.

Finding actual yoghurt in a yoghurt pot was nothing short of a miracle.

Finding actual yoghurt in a yoghurt pot was nothing short of a miracle.

5. We actually supported Iran in the last World Cup.

They may be rubbish, but they're not as rubbish as England.

6. We were nerds at school for a reason.

Our parents had seriously high expectations. Anything less than an A, and you may has well have failed.

7. And our career paths were defined from birth.

The disappointment when you told your Iranian parent you were going to be a journalist was crushing.

8. We wasted years wishing we were old enough to get a nose job.

Iranian nose genes are clearly more dominant than British ones. But as we got older we realised Persian noses are beautiful just as they are.

9. But if your brow game isn't strong, we judge you.

Been threading and filling in these bad boys since the age of 11.

10. We're not that bothered about NYE.

We have Nowruz, or Persian New Year, to look forward to three months later. And it's actually better than regular New Year. Just look at all this food.

11. In our heads, our trips to the Motherland looked like this.

In reality, we spent two weeks watching Persian soaps at our grandma's house.

12. But there was no better place to go for your summer holiday anyway.

While our British pals were at some drizzly seaside town, we were checking out the architecture in Esfahan.

13. And we secretly enjoyed those trips to our ancestral villages.

Even though it took 10 hours driving through the scorching desert and up a mountain to get there, we got altitude sickness and all the toilets were outside, it was still better than a rainy weekend in the British countryside.

14. We knew all minor acts of teen rebellion would be met with over-reaction.

"So you're a goth...DOES THAT MEAN YOU'RE A WITCH NOW?"

15. Except smoking shisha. Regular smoking = no. Smoking shisha = totally fine.

Our parents would have killed us if we'd been caught smoking a single cigarette, but inhaling the volume of smoke in an hour-long shisha sesh, believed to be the equivalent of 100 cigs? Go for it.

16. Still, we get mad when our white British friends hog the shisha.

No, you don't have a small lung capacity. Pass that shiz along.

17. Our homes have been taken over by Persian carpets.

It's got so out of hand, we just drape the rugs on top of each other.

18. We find drinking tea with milk weird.

What's wrong with you? Why would even you do that? And where's the nabaat?

19. We become emotionally invested in British-Iranian famous people.

And think of them like family. Are you my long lost brother?

20. There's no point asking us to be anywhere on time.

Sorry guys, but Persian Delay Factor is a big part of our heritage and has been passed down from generation to generation.

21. Every phone conversation with a relative in Iran goes like this:


"Hello, how are you?, I'm fine, I miss you, when are you coming to Iran? I love you, I love you, I love you, LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'D DIE FOR YOU."

22. We were taught to reject conventional medicine.

Why take Lemsip for your cold when eating some pomegranate will cure it right now?

23. We find this question tedious.

How hard is it to do your research?

24. We have so many family members scattered all over the world, it's hard to keep track.

So many cousins to meet, so little time.

25. And we know we won't go grey as we age.

We'll go blonde. Just something that happens to all Iranian women over the age of 45 #blessed.
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We'll go blonde. Just something that happens to all Iranian women over the age of 45 #blessed.

26. But above all, we're unbelivably proud of our British-Iranian heritage.


And we wouldn't have things any other way.