10 Tips For Surviving An Office Environment

The Office was more entertaining than most IRL offices. So here are some easy tips for making it through the 9-5 with minimal effort, from a seasoned, clearly very humble, professional.

1. Snacks

Just always have snacks. That's good life advice actually.

2. Manage people's expectations

Never reply to an email straight away or the person you're speaking to will always expect an instant reply! Even if you do in fact have time to check your email, as you're just busy being the 1,054th person in the queue trying to buy tickets for the Harry Potter Play, don't reply. This goes for email, answering the telephone and showing up to meetings. Better late than early is what I always say (only in a work environment, being late to meet friends is just annoying).

3. Scout out the good quiet, private work areas*

*hiding places with phone signal

This may be the bathroom, in which case be prepared with an IBS TMI related explantation, or if you're lucky it may be a 'focus' or 'meeting' room. You're looking for any area of the building where you can spend a minimum of ten to fifteen minutes at a time without interruption and without raising suspicion. Also this will ideally be somewhere your boss can't stumble upon you, so maybe a different floor or somewhere far from their desk and eye line.

4. Make work friends

It is paramount that these work friends could also be IRL friends. You need to be able to convince them to join you in your 'meetings' occasionally for legitimacy and to take frequent tea/coffee/chai/hot mulled grape/whatever fad hot drink-breaks with you all year round. This can kill at least 45 minutes a day if scheduled appropriately.

5. Can you listen to music at work?

If so, score. Strongly advise listening to audiobooks or podcasts then you're getting two birds with one stone. I also recommend books/podcasts because they can keep your attention for long periods of time. This way you look engaged and like you're concentrating, but little do people know that you're concentrating on your ears not your excel.

6. Keep busy, in and out of the office

In the office you just need to look busy, see rest of the article. Out of the office you need a real life. So when people ask 'so what do you do outside of work' you have something to say other than sleep, Netflix and chill on your own. Another perk to an OOO (out of office for corporate newbies) past time is the genuine excuse to leave your desk at twilight, rather than stay and 'work' past 5 and outside of your paid hours. 'Oh are you doing anything nice tonight?' your boss asks as your pack up at 5.01, 'Yes I'm going to an exhibition and then dinner with friends' - then you go to the cinema and eat your body weight in popcorn. Legitimate.

7. Prioritise

To do lists can be great but they don't necessarily mean you need to get things done. This is a way of tracking what you do and don't need to actually act upon. So prioritise your list into:

Deniable – someone else could do this, pass it on.

Low – can do in five minutes but you should take a day and manage expectations.

Medium – will probably take some time, best leave it til you're really bored one day.

High – this was Low three weeks ago.

Urgent – this was Medium a month ago.

Should have been done yesterday – oops do this now for sure.

Forgettable – no one will remember you had to do this anyway, leave it on the list for a month then delete before swiftly leaving your laptop for a cuppa.

8. Utilise meal times

If you're supposed to work 9-5 you're technically entitled to an hours lunch. But people rarely take this! They eat at their desk and only spend ten minutes getting food. Use your hour, this can be all at once while you go for a beautiful scenic walk in the concrete jungle. Or you split it over the day and have a half hour brunch, everyone loves brunch, and then a half hour afternoon tea, everyone loves afternoon tea! Doesn't your day sound better already? Also if you're brave, just leave an hour early and go revel in the cheeky feeling of letting yourself go before 5. Or appreciate what that feeling actually is, working the hours you're contracted for.

9. Working from home

If you thought being able to listen to music was lucky, being able to work from home is the pot of gold at the end of that rainbow. You can decide what you do at home while 'working'……..… probably the most common answer is laundry. Let's all change our lives if that's the state of things.

10. Have a clear timeline

… For when you're going to leave and follow your dreams. This article is not really about surviving an office. This is about getting through a job you clearly do not want to be doing and are not passionate about. So go! Leave. It's not as hard as you think and it's definitely as scary, incredible and life changing as you know it could be. 😍💪🏽