1. You do not poke a reporter's ear with it.
2. You do not smack it onto your computer monitor.
3. You do not use a two foot dildo to knock out your opponent.
4. You do not let your kid run around with your supposedly "hidden" dildo.
5. You do not put your dildo at the end of this... bicycle thingy.
6. You do not call the bomb squad to remove a dildo.
7. You do not parade around your giant steel dildo.
8. You do not mistake a dildo gun for an optical illusion toy.
9. You do not let others touch your dildo when you've let it drop on the floor.
10. You do not let your dildo fly out in the middle of a press conference.
11. You do not somehow get your dildo stuck in a claw machine.
12. You do not get your giant dildo confiscated at the airport.
13. You do not change a dildo's identity in a UK newspaper.
Hahaha this could easily be misconstrued
14. You do not livetweet getting your vibrating dildo removed from your butt.
Yo guess who has to go to the hospital because he shoved a dildo up his ass and can't get it out (answer: it's me)
15. You do not attach your dildo to the front of your racing car.
16. You do not send your dildo to space.
17. You do not impressively throw a dildo at your wall.
18. You do not use your dildo to vent out your road rage.
Actually, I take it back. DO ALL THE ABOVE AND THEN SOME.
