1. I think I’m getting a headache.
2. Maybe it’s because I haven’t had my coffee yet. I’ll drink some coffee.
3. Nope. Maybe I’m dehydrated. I’ll drink some water.
4. Hmmm… My head still hurts.
5. Maybe if I eat something? I guess I’ll eat. Maybe that will help.
6. My head is still hurting…
7. * rubs temple *
8. I haven’t had my wisdom teeth taken out. Maybe that has something to do with it?
9. I’ve heard news stories of people going to the E.R. after their faces swelled up and their headaches were unbearable. Apparently, their wisdom teeth got infected. The infection would spread to their brains. Some even died…
10. OH MY GOD.
11. My cheeks feel a little swollen. Either that, or I’ve gained a few pounds.
12. I’m pretty sure it’s not my wisdom teeth.
13. I’m pretty sure…
14. You know what? I’ll just check WebMD. They’re pretty reliable, right?
15. Since I have a headache, WebMD Symptom Checker gives me the option of choosing “headache” or “headache (worst ever).”
16. Hmmm… My worst ever headache lasted about a week and a half, after which I went to the E.R. and they gave me morphine to ease the pain. They later found out there was nothing wrong with me. Am I in that much pain? I guess not. Regular “headache” it is.
17. Apparently, WebMD lists 64 possible conditions. Some of these conditions include diabetes, brain aneurysm, brain tumor, brain infection, plague, stroke, and cyanide poisoning.
18. Brain tumor.
19. I can feel my heart sink to the pit of my stomach.
20. In moments like these, the best thing to do is to keep calm.
21. I feel a little feverish. My hands are sweaty.
22. I have to think about costs. How much does it cost to treat a brain tumor?
23. Will I need to take time off work? I’m broke. I can’t take time off work.
24. *rubs temples*
25. I feel like the back of my eyes are hurting. Could that be the brain tumor pushing up against my eyes? Probably.
26. Getting treated for a brain tumor means I’ll probably have to get surgery.
27. They’re going to open my head, aren’t they?
28. My brain will be exposed to the open air.
29. What if my brain gets infected from the surgery because one of the surgeons forgot to disinfect something? It has happened before.
30. What if they mess up the surgery and I wake up a completely different person.
31. What if I die?
32. What will happen to my family?
33. Do I want to be buried or cremated?
34. I vote for cremation, but I also want to ease the burden on my family in terms of financial costs.
35. Sallie Mae will continue asking my family for money after I die.
36. Somehow student loans live forever.
37. I should probably write down a will of some sort in case I don’t make it out of the surgery.
38. My car will go to my bro. My DVD collection will go to my sis…
39. And that’s it. So my will is settled.
40. Have I done everything I want in life?
41. I never got to see Tokyo.
42. If I look back at my life, can I truly say I lived the life I wanted?
43. I used to be a Catholic, but somewhere along the way I lost all interest.
44. Was that the right thing to do?
45. What if Jesus is waiting at the end of the tunnel?
46. Jesus: “Yo wassup? Why haven’t I seen you at Church. You know what, man? Go to hell.”
47. Will Hell really be as bad as they say?
48. What if I do spend the rest of eternity in the engulfed in flames? I can hardly stand saunas.
49. What if there is no Heaven or Hell?
50. What if my family decides to bury me?
51. I don’t like the idea of rotting away.
52. They say you have two kinds of deaths. One: When you physically die. Two: When the last person who remembers you dies.
53. And then there’s nothing.
54. The wheel of life will keep on turning without me.
55. One day, everyone will die, the earth will cease to exist and even the sun will stop burning.
56. Everything that has a beginning has an end. And that’s a stone cold fact of life.
57. Or I could just take an aspirin.
- The Army Corps of Engineers and North Dakota police have ordered protesters to leave the Dakota Access Pipeline site by this afternoon or face arrest.
- Seven Earth-sized planets that could have water and possibly sustain life have been discovered orbiting a dwarf star, NASA announced today.
- The ACLU is suing the city of Milwaukee and its police for allegedly performing thousands of illegal stop-and-frisk searches that targeted minorities.
- #Peggygate: West Elm offers full refunds for the notoriously disintegrating Peggy Couch days after pulling it from its website and stores👏