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    This Perfect Instagram Account Combines Dicks And Latte Art

    "I feared my family and friends would label me an immature pervert who's too easily amused. Which I am, of course!"

    If your main interests include coffee and cocks, you may already know about the @dicklatte Instagram.

    The account is a total schlong celebration, showcasing dicks from the circumcised to the uncut, the flaccid to the erect, and everything in between.

    (Even festive holiday phalluses!)

    The 'grammer behind @dicklatte prefers to stay anonymous, but refers to themselves as a "thirtysomething from Los Angeles."

    "I bought an espresso machine to save money on coffee and began teaching myself how to make lattes by watching YouTube videos," they tell BuzzFeed.

    But one fateful morning, everything changed.

    "I was trying to pour a heart, but at the last second, a perfectly shaped penis plopped out onto the cup. I laughed and sent a photo to my friend, and we giggled. I promised to get it right the next day, but then it just kept happening."

    "Finally, I just took the extra milk foam and poured some balls, added a few details with the tip of my thermometer, and called it a dick latte," they say. "By that time, I had quite a collection of failed attempts in my photo folder."

    "Instagram was my only way of sharing this simple joy of mine while remaining somewhat anonymous, and I honestly thought I'd get banned the first day."

    But that hasn't happened — instead, @dicklatte now has over 5,000 followers.

    "When I started the account, I was worried people would say inappropriate things or report the page, but everybody has been so polite and positive," they say.

    Every once in a while, a vulva shows up in @dicklatte's feed — but, the 'grammer says, as fumbling bedfellows have made clear to women since the beginning of time, female genitalia can be more difficult to figure out.

    "I can pour dicks with my eyes closed," they tell BuzzFeed. "But I have to spoon labia, which gets way too complicated."

    And as for @dicklatte's favorite dick latte?

    "If I had to pick one," they say, "it would be the one that makes you laugh the hardest."

    Heheh, dicks.