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    • nodatat

      There are so many shades of beautiful I see when I see Karyn Washington. By her activism and online extroverted profile she would have been a role model to young black women- even if I have my own daughter, and a role model to young women of any race today. I can personally relate to Karyn’s story. The truth is, some of us, have the real courage and strength to be strong on the outside, but on the inside, we are still affected by issues in our personal lives which are not balanced out- where we feel left out, not respected, and not in control. And the truth is, when that happens it’s easy for your mind to think- they don’t like me, and still have profound moments of despair where you do not yet understand how and why your life, experiences and even if it’s just internal pain seems to keep repeating it self, and you are unsure how to connect the external vivacity you have in living and connecting with people with the internal turmoil, confusion, and sense of absence of power, absence of light in the face of the great uncertainty/ unsureity within you. For me, it wasn’t until I was 31 that I a gradually began to piece the answers together, to personally reform the dark within me, so that my internal darkness and indecision was transformed, and could gradually be in union with the external light I already emanated. My issue is that I can be genuinely happy for people, and live and project happiness in an extroverted fashion, knowing that the other issues causing my internal unhappiness were not connected to the people and friends I have, and so I would not project this unhappiness onto them, because it was not their fault. Part of the savoriness of life is for us to learn to accept our faults, even if it’s just the fault in the hallows of our minds, and afterward, eventually find the greatness in them- greatness found by our lesson of transformation- choosing no longer to live subconsciously by these faults anymore more- even if our faults is just blaming ourselves for the unhappiness, and unconnectedness we feel in which our lives our not reflecting our expectations or internal happiness/goals. Part of my power is not blaming my self for the disappointment, but also accepting within my self, my thing, and my attribution of culture and even perhaps taking in of culture that my disappointment, sadness and personal peril lies. Karyn Washington, such a beautiful, vibrant girl. I would have been proud to have her as my daughter. I don’t have hope yet as to whether I want or can raise a child of my own, but glowing individuals such as Karyn Washington give me hope, because if I were to have a daughter such as her, it would give me joy. In this life there are people whose hope is but a glowing ember. There is eternal sadness when this hope is prematurely snuffed out. This only reminds me that ‘We live to transform’. Transformation within ourselves is what counts the most- then we can learn to accept, contribute, and cojoin transformation and liberation within others. This beautiful soul was found, and lost too quickly. At least we have the embers of her light to remind us what’s more important on this earth. In-/Eternal peace on earth is what I hope to find, and happening upon this memorial only strengthens my resolve for this revivification. The world is not what we see, but what we know. Change what we know, and we have found a world anew. -J Hill

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