1. Tie balloons to your nipples. Alice Mongkongllite for BuzzFeed It may seem ridiculous at first, but there is literally nothing worse than a boob that hangs in a natural way. 2. Do push-ups. But not regular push-ups. BOOB PUSH-UPS. Alice Mongkongllite for BuzzFeed We all know boobs sag because they're not fit! So use them to push yourself off the floor and you'll finally get the lift you deserve. 3. Hire someone to walk behind you and lift your breasts at all times. Alice Mongkongllite for BuzzFeed Make sure they lotion their hands so your boobs absorb some of that sweet moisture. 4. Invest in a boob shelf. Not a bra. A literal shelf. Alice Mongkongllite for BuzzFeed A nice slab of wood will help keep those boobs looking perky as ever! 5. Don't sleep on your front. Or your side. Or your back. Don't sleep at all, actually. Alice Mongkongllite for BuzzFeed Your boobs probably flop around when you're unconscious, so avoid sleeping at all costs. 6. Wear a bra at all times. Even in the shower. Alice Mongkongllite for BuzzFeed Letting your boobs hang free is like telling the world you want them to touch the floor! 7. Avoid bouncy exercises that can damage ligaments, like jumping rope, using trampolines, doing jumping jacks, running, walking, moving, or doing anything, basically. Alice Mongkongllite for BuzzFeed Just stand very still. Your boobs will thank you later. 8. Walk around with your arms up at all times to make your boobs appear higher. Alice Mongkongllite for BuzzFeed This is a great arm workout in addition to eliminating the sag! 9. Massage your breasts with the feathers of a bird wing to promote lift. Alice Mongkongllite for BuzzFeed Make sure it's a bird that actually flies! Chicken feathers will make your boobs drop a foot.