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This Is Actually What It's Like To Get Slimed

Turns out dreams are made of green guck.

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Since the dawn of the '90s, kids across the nation have had one shared dream: to get slimed.

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We all wanted to get on Double Dare, Slime Time Live, and Figure It Out just to get a taste of that sweet green goo.


The folks over at Nickelodeon let me get green and dirty during a "slime test" for their upcoming Kids' Choice Sports Awards.

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This was at the Pauley Pavilion at UCLA in Los Angeles.


FYI that tub we're sitting in had a layer of stagnant slime sitting in it already. Here I am reveling in the fact that my feet and hair are now covered in this sacred childhood goop.

Then they hit us with a SECOND SLIME. But it didn't really touch me. I managed to smile through this devastating disappointment, but you can see my heart breaking as it happens.


The third slime was the longest. It was like taking a beautiful slime shower.

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The dude sitting next to me had just explained to the children that he had waited a long time to experience this. Me too, '90s brother, me too.

OK now I know y'all have some questions about slime, like "What does it feel like?" Well, it's super goopy and craaaaazy slippery!

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Slime is basically like a more liquid-y snot. Very viscous. This man had to hold me like a baby to make sure I didn't slip and break my face.



Seriously, I kept finding gobs of it in weird crevices.

... Nothing. It tastes like nothing. Nothing with a hint of soap maybe. It also smells like nothing.

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There's some speculation that it contains baby shampoo, which I totally believe. My hair felt super soft after I took a shower.