1.
Kids eat first "You a child of god so go"
2.
Everyone's all "turkey makes you sleepy!" like it's not all the alcohol you drank to tolerate family.
3.
I bet those pilgrims didn’t shower before Thanksgiving dinner either.
4.
For those of you who are alone on thanksgiving for $50 I'll call you and ask you why you're not married yet and when you're getting a raise
5.
"What you making for thanksgiving?" "... my plate"
6.
when I hear that first racist comment on thanksgiving
7.
INSTRUCTIONS 1-Take your little Pilgrims to a random persons house 2-Eat their food 3-Tell them this is your house now 4-HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
8.
Thanksgiving is just Christmas foreplay
9.
Making it a goth Thanksgiving by stuffing the bird with the ashes of poems that my stepdad doesn't understand
10.
My thigh gap is looking fresh as hell
11.
My mother asked what I was going to make this year for Thanksgiving and I said, "a scene."
12.
If I never wake up from this food coma, please tell my family I died doing what I love. #Thanksgiving
13.
I starve my children for the week leading up to Thanksgiving because authenticity is important.
14.
*builds time machine* *travels back to first Thanksgiving* *slaps cranberries out of pilgrim's hand* You're not making this a thing
15.
Recipe for best post Thanksgiving breakfast: make a bowl of organic oatmeal. Next, throw oatmeal in garbage and eat two slices of pie
16.
When it's Thanksgiving and it's my turn for mashed potatoes
17.
Your Thanksgiving porn name is the most insane person in your family plus your favorite pie.
18.
I don't start my holiday shopping until after Thanksgiving when I find out which family members I am still on good terms with.