1. This is Johnny Football. He’s only a redshirt freshman at Texas A&M, but he has a chance of winning the Heisman this season after slaying Alabama a few weeks ago.
2. Johnny Football is so good, he makes women tingle when the football flies. He even inspired a very well done but terrifyingly creepy tribute song.
Going to go try and re-attach the skin that crawled off my body now.
H/T Samer Kalaf at Deadspin.