Laz's Game Of Thrones Recap: Season 5 Episode 5 "Kill The Boy'

Got my brew, ready to focus on some Game of Thrones: Laz's Recap, strap in people never know what GOT has in store for you.............LETSGOOO

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1) Mereen : Danny is pissed about Ser Barriston the Bold and how he “died in an alley” – she even shed tears for him! Round up all the heads of noble families huh? She’s acting on impulse and emotion…….I smell a mistake…..oh wait nevermind DRAGONS. HELL YES.

Danny’s a boss. She let’s those dragons roast that Mereenese head of the noble family alive (see below clip)

Dragons eat humans too......

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Dragons burning the noble dude to a crisp

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2) The Wall: Grandpa Targaryen starting us off with a badass quote and ohhhhh shit TITLE QUOTE – He said itttt!!! “Kill the boy Jon Snow, and let the man live.”

LCJS (Lord Commander Jon Snow – I mean cmon give the guy some credit – he’s head of the Crows which ain’t an easy job – ask Commander Mormont) – Jon with his own gem of a quote “Maybe you’re not proud…..maybe you’re a coward.” Dude that’s a big ass ginger in Tormund ….he does not look happy. Buttttt do I smell a deal coming?

Yeah okay Tormund is requesting Stannis (the same guy who cut off the onion knights fingers for smuggling the onions into Storm’s End that saved Stannis’ entire army in the Siege during Robert’s rise to power) he wants “King” Baratheon to lend the Freefolk/Wildings (depends which side of the Wall you’re on call em whatever feel s right) some ships so he can transport his young, elderly and sick to the safety south of the wall - #TallOrderTormund

Idk bout that though……..say what now? Jon you can’t seriously be considering going with him? #WrecklessCommander.

Parting thought after the council of Crows – “Crows HATE Wildings”

RANDOM THOUGHT OF THE EPISODE: Starks are obsesssssed with winter and its always coming ;)

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3) Winterfell: Ugh Brienne seriously reminds me of an ex gf that you just can’t shake you know? Quit being so Stark-Clingy they’re just not that into you! #TakeAHint

“Who do you serve?” Okay Brie baby good call get a message to Sansa #TheNorthRemembers

Scoiopaths' Sex Scene: For crazy sadists, Ramsey Bolton and his slampiece Miranda are fittttt……it looks like….is he? is he hitting on her?……HAH NOOOO more like threatening her (pretty sure he just said he would give her the same treatment as he gave that girl Theon watched get eaten alive by the dogs during their hurt simply for “boring him”……Oh wait, sex? Should I be turned on? #NotSure

Aw old Granpda Winterfell “You are not alone”……and ah shit cmon Sansa don’t fall for Miranda’s BS she wants to take your head just they did Ned’s! Seriously Sansa? A stranger tells you to walk down an aisle of man eating dogs and you just think….what? Looks like a great time for a stroll down murder lane?

Okay, I’m actually good with that – Theon = fuel to the fire for Sansa to burn the Boltons and reclaim the north #TeamStarl #LazRemembersToo

Things Theon Never Heard: “I forgive you”…….and “You probably don’t miss your pecker right?”

Reek giving away Sansa? Well at least we can all rest assured that Ramsey is still batshit crazy I was getting worried after all that forgiveness crapola.

3)The Wall: Oh Sam and Gilly? Awesome I needed something boring so I could go get another beer……Waitttt I got back just in time to see what appeasrs to be approval??? From Salty Stannis? To Sam the Slayer? Hmmm #GenuinelySurprised #TouchesThrones

Stannis’ baby mama throwing tonsss of shade at Gilly like “Bitch don’t even look at my legitimate daughter witchya broke peasant ass!” #CrazyChick

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Anyone else Psyched for #BattleOfWinterfell? I’m guessing we gotta wait…..hmmmm at least 2-3 episodes of Stannis marching, freezing and a whole lotta nothing before we get that fight tho #Prediction

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4) Greyworm remind anyone else of a caveman with the way he speaks? “Greyworm feel shame” but he fears….awwww he love her! Kiss that eunuch right now girl…..yeahhhhhhh Missei from the Island of Naath GET IT! Can Greyworm tap that tho? #NotSure

Foreshadowy things rulers shouldn’t say: “Not while I live” Danny. Don’t say shit like that. Have we forgotten the Red Wedding? #WorriedForHer

Soooo instead of feeding the dragons again with the main noble dude you’re gonna……marry him? She got him on his knees though, #DannyIsABossBitch but really, who wouldn’t knell at the feet of the Mother of Dragons?

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4) “Long silences and occasional punches in the face….the Mormont Way” – Tyrion basically saying “Thank you for chosing Mormont cruises for your trip to the Mother of Dragons…..ohhh btw we’re gonna go right through the creepy remains of the last places Dragons lived, sorcery was performed and all around mysterious and dangerous shit still remains to this day.” #JorahTheExplorer

Tyrion looks excited though…..oh wait (I remember last weeks SCENES) I feel a Drogon sighting by Tyrion to end the episode brb gg get snapchat ready…

Tyrion speechless for the 1st time

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Ladies and Gentlemen.....presenting Drogon the Black Dread

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……nailed it #SnapChatPro

Tyrion now knows how Danny felt......he should be called Drogon the Ditcher.....dude just flies away......kinda respect that though he's the only free dragon, so he's doing something right, isn't her?

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Battle of the Stone Men!

I swear to all Seven Gods of the old kingdom and even the new Lord of the Light……if they kill off Delbarton High School's finest aka Peter Dinklage aka Tyrion Lannister I will flip the f…..okay word. Don’t fuq with me like that Thrones. #TyrionSurvivesAgain and now they’re best bros (see above ridiculous picture)

I think Jorah and tryion are my new favorite traveling buddies…..uh oh Jorah infected? #NoCureFOrGreyScale

Solid Episode. Rating: 7.5/10

SCENES: Thoughts – Arya the Assasin has a nice ring to it…..and Cersei appears to be in trouble – good, looking forward to it.

See ya next week Thrones.