A Music Review: "G I R L" By Pharrell Williams

A review of Pharrell Williams' G I R L, released March 4, 2014

The Artwork

Very, very ballsy of Pharrell to call his record G I R L and also use the same font as Lena Dunham’s HBO show Girls. The image of Pharrell hanging out in a bathrobe though, does get you prepared for the music within: Someone lounging around with beautiful women who figures “eh, I guess I’ll make some music” and then throws down some mediocre tracks and calls it a day.

The Good

Is anyone excited for a new Pharrell record? I honestly was, and then I almost immediately regretting even turning this thing on. But, we’ll get to that later, this is the part where we talk about the good songs. “Come Get It Bae” and “Gust of Wind” immediately stand out (if you can make it there) as exciting and interestingly different. G I R L attempts to have a very Motown, 60s funk sound about it, but these two songs actually do succeed at it. “Come At It Bae” is full of vocals (i.e. Miley Cyrus'), has a Justin Timberlake feel about it, and even throws in a dirty Timbaland breakdown towards the end. “Gust of Wind” nails Pharrell’s Marvin Gaye impression and uses the Daft Punk's vocal effect to achieve a very danceable chorus.

The Ok

Sadly, there’s not even a lot of Ok tracks here to choose from. Opening track “Marilyn Monroe” has a great beat, but wastes it on cheesy lyrics that sound a little too young for someone like Pharrell (40! years old!), and “Gush” puts you in the uncomfortable position of hearing Pharrell say things like “make the pussy just gush,” which- NO THANK YOU- I do not need to hear him say. And, fine, I’ll include “Happy” here as well, because it sounds great, but is painfully about absolutely nothing and Pharrell just does not sound committed to the vocal.

The Terrible (every album has at least one, don’t deny it)

G I R L is loaded with bad tracks. From the very lame “Brand New” and “Hunter,” which both sound like they’re missing something, to the incredibly long “Lost Queen,” which is really just two lackluster songs separated by ocean sounds that leave you feeling astonished that you listened to seven minutes worth of song but can’t remember a thing about it. Then, you’re hit with “Know Who You Are,” which features Alicia Keys singing a melody that sounds completely out-of-place over just about the whitest reggae song I’ve ever heard (and, yes, I am counting Eric Clapton). And album closer “It Girl” leave us with a hodgepodge of messy vocal ideas over utterly apathetic funk music, finally ending with a bad two minute guitar solo accompanied by screaming, reverby vocals.

The Verdict

Who does Pharrell think he is? AND, who does Pharrell think is listening to his music? This is some of the uncoolest soul music that has ever been made. It’s funk music with none of the swagger of funk music. The tracks are either too long and can’t make up their mind about what they want to be, or they just sound amateurish and careless. This record was already made, and it’s called The 20/20 Experience and it was by Justin Timberlake. And as a matter of fact, both of these records were already made and they were called Songs in the Key of Life and What’s Going On. This is Stevie Wonder lite, for people who are afraid to listen to what Pharrell is TRYING to create. I feel like maybe we have misled Pharrell into making him believe we want him to be in the spotlight, instead of behind the mixing board where he really does shine. Avoid this record, except, unfortunately, “Happy” is on every radio station everywhere for the foreseeable future.

The Final Rating: 2/10