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9 Things That Make You Hate Yourself That Are Actually Science's Fault

You ain't crazy, lady. You're just an animal.

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1. Fancying people more after you sleep with them.

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After an orgasm your body releases a tsunami of oxytocin – sometimes known as the "love hormone", though its effects are actually much more wide-ranging than that. This can make you feel like you're falling for even the most unsuitable partner. Like, a guy in flip-flops. A guy who whispered, “Come to papa” when you were taking off your tights. Thanks to oxytocin your pituitary gland is screaming out that you should seek out intimacy and so it is totally reasonable for you to want the security, food-gathering ability, and affection of the person that got you that way.

2. Craving carbs.

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When you ovulate – when an egg breaks loose from your ovaries like a bullet – your body can produce an increase in cortisol. Now, cortisol is linked to hunger and sugar or carbohydrate cravings, according to a study published in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology in 2001. So, the urge to eat nothing but toast, pasta, and cake while loafing around watching '90s dramas? Not your fault, my friend. Not your fault.

3. Letting your eye wander while you're in a relationship.

Feeling sexually attracted to other people once you've been in a relationship for a while is biological, not immoral. According to author and professor of anthropology Meredith Small in her book Female Choices: Sexual behaviour of female primates (Cornell University Press, 1993), “The search for the unfamiliar is documented as a female preference more often than any other characteristic our human eyes can perceive.”

See? In their book Sex at Dawn, researchers Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá argue that we might actually be designed to have sex with a number of partners because it means we get the strongest, healthiest baby possible and the males in the community are less likely to harm any children in case they’re their offspring.

4. Being clumsy when you have PMS.

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Changing levels of oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone during a menstrual cycle can effect your co-ordination. So, when you break three plates, accidentally spill tea on your duvet, and walk vagina-first into a table during the first day of your period – that's hormonal. That’s not your fault.

5. Fancying dickheads.

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According to Bridget Murray Law, writing in the Monitor on Psychology in 2011, during peak fertility, women may be attracted to more “alpha”, aggressive men, because their testosterone levels indicate a greater virility. Fancying dickheads doesn’t necessarily mean you've lost your mind or have low self-esteem. You’re just responding to that egg trundling down your fallopian tubes.

6. Losing your mojo.

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You shouldn't blame yourself for a loss of libido when you're stressed. According to the NHS website, your body can respond to stress hormones like cortisol and epinephrine with a loss of sexual desire. Similarly, when you're ill, your body might not want to take another human on board. Not to mention the other hormonal changes associated with menopause and breastfeeding that can throw your whole sexual appetite out of whack.

7. Getting the sweats.

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According to a study by Mary Lee Baron and Richard Fehring, published in the American Journal of Maternal Child Nursing in 2005, ovulation causes an increase of up to 1 degree Fahrenheit in the basal body temperature. That might not sound like a lot, but it's enough to have you sweating through your T-shirt and soaking through your foundation and make anyone in your bed wonder if they should wrap you in a fire blanket.

8. Dressing like Dolly Parton.

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When you’re at your most fertile, you are over three times more likely to wear pink or red than during the rest of your cycle, according to a study published in the journal Psychological Science in 2013. What’s more, according to a 2008 study wearing red makes you more attractive to men.

9. Calling your colleague a prick.

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Your period will do mad things to your testosterone levels. So, don't be surprised if, for a couple of days before you start bleeding, you basically want to kick everyone you meet in the kneecaps and pour hot soup in their handbags.

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