What I like is almost certainly not what you like.
What I like: a 2 oz pour of scotch after a long night. When you ask me what I like, I will try to steer the question back to you- give me something specific to work with! Otherwise I will just recommend the fastest, easiest drink on the menu.
Do not move your glass while I am pouring a liquid into it.
Yes, I know. You're trying to help, but raising your glass and moving it mid-pour creates a moving target for me, and dramatically increases the chance of a spill. Please leave your water/wine/beer glass where I put it on the bar and we will all be a lot happier. I'm a professional. I've got it. Promise.
No Excessive PDA.
Hey guys, a bar is a shared public space. There are lots of people around you trying to enjoy a drink with friends, a dinner alone, or a romantic evening. Not only are you in full view of the rest of the bar, we can also hear everything you are whispering to each other, however tawdry. A little PDA or a stolen kiss between courses is just fine, but keep it clean, please.
Unless we made eye contact, do not assume I heard a word you said.
Do not bark a drink order at me while I am interacting with another guest, or while I am facing away from you, or even while I am clearly in the throes of making a round of complex cocktails. I have a constant list of priorities running through my head- from drinks to make, to orders to enter, to special allergy requests to accommodate, to bar tools that need to be washed promptly. I see you, and I will get to you as soon as I can. When I do get to you, you can rest assured that you will have my full attention, and I will be able to do my job well. Please, be patient.
Garnishes are not snacks.
We make some pretty beautiful cocktails at my bar from fresh, seasonal ingredients. I'm happy to make you a Bramble, but don't reach your hand into my garnish bowl and snatch a blackberry. Not only is that tacky, it's also unsanitary. Trust me, your bartenders take health codes and requirements very seriously. One dip in the olive jar can cause a lot of extra work for us. If you must have an olive, please just ask. They're set out on the bar so that I can easily access them and make drinks quickly, not to sate your ravenous hunger. I actually had a gentleman reach into the fruit bowl, grab and orange, and begin to peel it. And the worst offender was making lewd sexual comments to his female companion about the myriad uses of a cucumber. Just...don't...don't do that.
Furthermore, the bottles next to the garnishes are NOT Olive Oil.
They are housemade syrups! Think twice before drizzling your prosciutto with ginger syrup. If you'd like some Olive Oil, I'd be happy to get that for you.
On Names....
Don't ask me if that is my real name (it is).
Don't make jokes about my name (just rude).
Please, don't call me by a nickname, or abbreviate my name. Very few of my very regular guests have earned this right.
Don't bellow my name across the bar when I am busy helping other guests.
If you ask me my name, please introduce yourself as well. I like remembering people the next time they come in...it makes my job more fun. But please don't get upset if I can't recall your name after the first couple of meetings. I meet a lot of people as a bartender. It may take a few visits for us to get on a first name basis.
Don't be insulted if I ask you for a Credit Card to start a tab.
When it's busy, I'm three rows of guests deep, and it can be very difficult to keep track of all of you. Plus, in a restaurant, bar tabs are often transferred to tables in the dining room once a party is seated. Don't ask "What- Don't you trust me?" No, I don't trust you. I live in New York City. I trust very few people, and I've never seen you before in my life. It is standard protocol to keep a tab open with a credit card. Things stay clear and organized that way.
Or if I ask to see your ID...
I would lose my job instantly if my management team found out I had served alcohol to a minor. I'm not willing to risk it (even if your parents vouch for you. Surprising how often that happens). If you look younger than 30, I will likely card you. Take it as a compliment, guys! You know how quickly NYC can exhaust and age a person. You look great!
Here's a surefire way to get carded at an upscale restaurant bar: Order a Long Island Iced Tea, Pina Colada, or a shot with a cute name.
Don't order twice!
If you order a round of drinks from me, and then order the same round of drinks from one of my colleagues a moment later, chances are those drinks will be made twice. It wastes time and wastes alcohol. Don't do it.
Don't hand me your iPhone.
I do not want to be taught a recipe from your favorite iPhone app, or a recipe from a website you pulled up that calls for ingredients we just don't have. I get afraid that I am going to break your phone or get lime juice on it, or drop it in the sanitizing sink....please, I don't want to be held responsible for your personal belongings.
The exception: you know exactly how to make your favorite cocktail, but I've never heard of it (AND I have all of the ingredients). By this, I mean that you know how much of each ingredient it calls for, down to the quarter ounce. In that case, let's do it.
PLEASE LISTEN.
If I tell you we only have Italian beers, then proceed to list them for you, AND offer you a beer list, do NOT ask for a Stella (don't have it). Okay, then a Heineken (nope). Ugh, fine, just a Bud Light (ALL ITALIAN BEERS).
The same goes for spirit and wine selections. Listen to your bartender when he tells you the bar's selections. Don't scoff because he doesn't have Hendrick's on hand. He is on your side and wants to find you something you'll really like.
Inappropriate Questions:
What's your real job?
What do you really want to do with your life?
So, what do you do besides this?
Don't get mad at the wait list.
At my bar, the bartenders keep a separate wait list for seating at the bar proper. We always seat people in the order that they arrive. It's the only fair way to do things. We make sure that if we have your name on our list and you have been waiting for 30 minutes, there is no way we are going to allow the person who just traipsed in to sit before you do. Yeah, sometimes it is busy, but if you're polite about waiting, your bartenders will appreciate it, and you may notice that your glass never seems to get empty once you sit down.
If we tell you "I'm so sorry ma'am, but we are keeping a waitlist for seats at the bar. I am happy to put you on the waitlist if you'd like," we aren't being rude, we're just playing by our rules. That's how this bar works. Please be nice.
If you're in a hurry, just let us know!
If you only have 30 minutes to grab a quick dinner, tell us that. We can advise you on menu items that are quick to prepare, and we can let the kitchen know that you're in a bit of a rush. Communicate with us, so you don't end up frustrated when you order something that takes 17 minutes to get to you.
Spit out your gum before asking for a taste of wine.
Seriously, finding the perfect wine for you is one of my favorite things about my job. However, spit out the gum before we go on a tasting spree. Gum before wine is similar to toothpaste before orange juice. Don't declare that a wine I serve you is disgusting if you've just pounded a stick of trident.
Ask for a cocktail napkin and then discreetly dispose of your gum. Don't fold it into your cloth napkin. Don't perch it on the base of your wine glass, and don't you dare stick it to the underside of the bar top.
Be ready to order.
Don't tell me you are ready to order unless you are. I am more than happy to answer questions for you, but if you wave at me and say "Excuse me, we are ready to order" in a near-shout, I expect you to have read the menu and at least have an idea of what you'd like. I don't have time to walk you through the entire menu if it's busy. Ummmmm is not an acceptable order, nor is "what's good?" an acceptable question.
Don't tell me I look tired.
I work really long hours on my feet at a really busy restaurant. I probably am tired. Don't tell me I look it. It's just poor taste.
Oh, and please don't ask me to smile. That is just annoying.
Don't ask me for my number.
Your bartender is at work, regardless of how much fun she seems to be having with you. Keep it professional.
Happy Hour Ends at 7:00.
If happy hour is from 5-7, don't be belligerent if I don't give you the happy hour price on your wine at 7:30. I'm reasonable. I allow a bit of a grace period, but happy hour is only two hours long. Man up and pay $2 more for your glass of wine after happy hour ends.
Don't ask me to "make it strong."
Order a double, if you'd like one. Asking for free alcohol is an incredibly awkward thing to do. Don't ask for "a splash more wine" or a "top-off" unless you intend to pay for it. Bartenders don't often reward entitled behavior.
I adhere to a personal rule: the number of bites on your plate should correspond with the number of sips in your wine glass. If you're kind and polite, and I see that you have a few more bites on your plate and your wine glass is nearing empty, I will probably top you off a bit so you can enjoy your meal to the fullest. It's just a nice gesture.
Look at the menu before you casually order a $32 glass of wine.
Yes, Barolo is incredible, but it often comes with a price tag to match. If you have a wine list in front of you when you order, I assume that you are aware of how much your drink costs. It is printed clearly right on the menu. Don't balk at the bill because you didn't look at the prices.
Do not flail your arms at me. Do not snap at me.
I will deliberately ignore you. Enough said.
Please, no high chairs.
If someone wants to come sit at the bar for dinner with his 15 year old son, I am cool with that (though of course I will not serve alcohol to anyone underage). However, I draw the line at high chairs. If your child can't sit up by herself on a bar stool, she simply doesn't belong at a bar. A bar is a place for adults. Not toddlers. I'm sorry- I adore kids, but it just isn't appropriate. Please, get a table.
I am not your wing woman.
Here's what I will do for you, gentlemen: I will let the attractive woman across the bar know that you would like to buy her a drink, and I will serve her a drink of her choosing and add it to your tab. From there, she decides how the interaction goes, and she decides if she wants to have any further interaction with you. I will not relay messages to her across the bar for you. I will not pass notes for you (yes, it has been requested).
That having been said, if a single regular comes in on what is clearly a date, I will make him or her look very cool.
Ladies, hang your bag on a hook.
That's what hooks are for. If your bag is too big, check it. It will likely be safer in our coat check room anyway. Do not put your handbag ON the bar, unless it is a discreet clutch. Do not use a bar stool for your bag. I will ask you to move it if it gets busy.
Respect last call.
When I let you know it is last call, that means order right now or forever hold your peace. I'm pretty stern with my last call protocol, and I rarely make an exception. Do not come into the bar after last call and beg me for a glass of water, and then stay at the bar for another hour after the rest of my guests have paid and left (this happens).
Also, it is pretty inconsiderate to order an entire bottle of wine at last call and linger over it for an hour and a half.
Don't order a drink and then turn around and walk away.
Please don't disappear on me when I have an eggwhite cocktail in my hand just dying for someone to drink it while its ice cold. Order a drink from me, and stay put until our transaction is complete.
Please get off your phone.
I do not have to help you or take your order until you get off your phone. That's just common courtesy. Also, do not shush your bartender when you take a call at the bar. Excuse yourself to take the call, and then return when you finish your conversation. As I mentioned, the bar is a shared public space....no one wants to hear your conference call or your fight with your boyfriend.
Let me clear away the dirty place settings before you sit down.
It's a strange phenomenon. The bar could be completely empty, but a couple comes in and inevitably sits at the two spots that I need to clear, clean and re-set. You wouldn't sit at a dirty table, so please let us make your spot nice and pretty before you swoop in. And if you can't exercise enough patience to do that, please don't ask me to "clear all this away." I'm on it. Don't worry. You will get a clean placemat and a fresh water glass very soon.
You already have a glass of water.
If you sit down at the bar, the first thing I will do is pour you a glass of water. People are constantly asking me for water when it's right in front of them. Believe it or not, I do try to intuit what my guests will want before they ask for it. Water is always number one on that list.
Please, do not order a "Skinny Girl Margarita."
No.
"How are you?" is a question.
Commonly acceptable answers to said question include "I'm well. How are you?" and "I've had a tough day today."
NOT
"Gin & Tonic."
Last, but not least, IF I break a glass, do not applaud.
I don't know how that got started in the first place, but it is infuriating.
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