Responding To Scam Emails

Over the past week, I've received 5 or 6 blatant scam emails, each one more annoying that the first. I've been contacted by Prince Abdu Shahira, who out of all the people in the world, somehow landed on me to help him transfer his money to a US bank account. Oh, and you know, if I do this quick favor for him, I get a $4 million bonus for my trouble. Derp, it's fool proof! I got another lovely email saying that my debit card information had been stolen and that I needed to directly respond to that email with my bank account number, pin, social security number, address, Facebook password, etc. Again, it just seems so easy, it has to be real and legitimate. Today, however, I got another of these scam emails, this time promising me inheritance from an unnamed dead relative. I'm not sure why, but today I decided to write back and have a little fun. Below is the full text of the email I was sent, followed by my response. Ref: Information about Your late Relation/Family member "Hello Nathan Illsley, I am David Fenton, an Investment adviser/sole executor to your late relation. There is Estate (Cash deposit in bank and some landed Properties) belonging to your late family member whom I will like to discuss with you; He is related to you going by the lineage, surname and country of origin. Once I receive your information and endorse same appropriately, I shall provide you with all the privileged information/legal documents relating to the deceased and also will give you guidelines on how to realize this goal without the breach of the law. I would respectfully request that you treat the content of this letter as privileged and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this correspondence. Contact me immediately for more information and to begin the legal process of redeeming your lawful entitlement before the bank is compelled by law to hand over the money to the government. This is my second but final attempt to reach you in view of this subject matter. Kind Regards, David Fenton" Re: Ref: Information about Your late Relation/Family member "Hello David Fenton, Thanks so much for reaching out to me! I'm ecstatic to hear about my relatives passing, he was a crotchety old bastard anyways. Good riddance, am I right!? LOL! However, unfortunately I must decline your offer. You know considering this is a scam and whatnot. Instead, I'd like to propose a counter offer. Hear me out if you will. I would like to cordially invite you to go ahead and fuck yourself. Fuck yourself hard, deep, soft, gently, really however and wherever you like. After all, you're going to be the one fucking yourself, so you might as well get as much enjoyment out of it as possible. While you're at it, may I also suggest that you fuck a goat? I heard pieces of trash such as yourself enjoy that type of thing. Might as well add another happy guest to your fuck party! Regarding your request that I treat the content of this letter as "privileged," I would like to defer to my previous suggestion that you go fuck yourself and/or a goat. I'm going to post this online in hopes that it gets picked up by Buzzfeed so that everyone will know what a goat-fucking twat you are. If you would, however, like to keep this poorly made scam going in the future, I would like to suggest several pieces of advice, if I may: Don't pretend to be an investment adviser and then proceed to host the email account of a website dedicated to online business, productivity & collaboration applications. We live in the world of the Google machine and it only took about fifteen seconds to confirm that you don't actually exist, you silly fuck. When coming up with a familial connection, don't state that the departed is related to someone through lineage, surname and country of origin. The human race has been around for a really long fucking time, so to imply that because someone has the same last name, comes from the same general bloodline, or is from my country of origin (dude, give me a break) is simply preposterous. Sorry Dave, but again, you're kind of being a silly fuck. My final suggestion is to stop being a money grubbing criminal, get a real fucking job, search every depraved hole in the world for your soul (which seems to be completely absent), and act like a real man instead of a piece of garbage scam artist that will eventually die alone in a jail cell after having your salad tossed on a daily basis by the other prisoners in your block. Have a nice day, and once again, go fuck yourself. Nathan" For some reason, I feel like I won't be contacted a third time...

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