While every breakup is different, some people find that one moment can really bring things into perspective. So, we asked the BuzzFeed Community about the moment they realized that their marriages were over.
Here are just some of the responses we received:
Content warning: Some mentions of domestic abuse.
1. "When I saw the text messages between him and his 19-year-old coworker when I was six months pregnant. He left me a week before our second daughter was born..."
"It was actually a blessing in disguise. I divorced him. I moved on and met someone who treated me way better than he ever did, got married, and we added another baby to our family. My new hubby calls us his premade family — so cute!"
2. "First major sign was when he admitted to not searching for a job the whole first six months of unemployment..."
"Second and last straw was when I was repainting our new condo. He was playing computer games while hungover, and I asked him politely to move his desk so I could paint behind. He moved it a fucking inch. Asked again and same thing happened. I could smell the ammonia on his breath and knew that was it. He was a damn fool, lazy, and an alcoholic. The laziness and no ambition got me the most."
3. "We were at my older brother's wedding. I saw the way my siblings looked at their significant others and the way they looked at my siblings, and knew it was over. We just didn't look at each other the same way anymore."
4. "It wasn’t when I got a message on Facebook from his other woman — or even all of those moments when he hit me. It was when I sliced my thumb open, and he refused to come home during his lunch break because he was down the street at his buddy’s house..."
"My best friend’s husband walked to my house in the rain and helped me bandage my thumb up and clean the blood off the floor."
5. "I knew it was over when he told me while trying to have sex with me — after I worked a 12-hour shift and he stayed home doing nothing — that if I lost weight I could look like his FAVORITE PORNSTAR. Yep."
6. "I knew it was over when I found out he had been sleeping with 30 people on and off throughout our entire eight-year relationship. Some of them were apparently regular occurrences."
7. "He insisted that a freshly cooked dinner be on the table for him and our three kids no later than 6 every night, despite: 1) I didn’t get off work until 4.30 p.m., and 2) I was the only one who could pick up the kids after work since he purposely cut the seat belts out of his car so he couldn’t pick them up..."
"One evening, rushing to handle everything, I impaled my hand with a butcher knife. I cussed loudly, and blood was everywhere. My ex’s response was, 'Wow. OK, I guess dinner's going to be late tonight.' Sixty days after my hand was splayed open, I was divorced from him."
8. "I had been on vacation with my ex. As soon as we got on the plane for the six-hour flight home, he told me tearfully that he had made out with a woman at the resort we had just left. I felt nothing — no anger, no sadness, nothing. At the time, I thought it was shock. In retrospect, I realized I felt nothing because I wasn’t there anymore."
9. "My ex and I were trying to make things work, and he left flowers in my car. Objectively, it was so sweet. But my heart and gut were crushed because my first thought was that I wish he hadn’t done that. I was already done. That was the beginning of the end."
10. "Twenty-year marriage — I found out while he was in surgery that he was talking to women on Facebook, telling them he was separated and sending them money (money I was transferring him to pay bills). I went to counseling on my own, and my therapist asked, 'What do you want to do?' My answer was, 'To be happy.' That was the moment I knew the marriage was over."
11. "Got in a car accident and was given $20,000 because of my injuries. About a year later, I got pregnant and had $7,000 left of my settlement. I planned on putting that money into a savings for my son, but my ex thought buying a POS car was more important!"
12. "I was one day out of the hospital with my newborn via C-section, and my husband confessed that he cheated on me multiple times during our six years together. The other woman was pregnant with twins."
13. "I had food poisoning and had just spent the past half hour vomiting in the bathroom. I was finally able to lie down on the bed, and I rolled over to ask him if he could get me a ginger ale — I found him browsing booty and porn accounts on Instagram..."
"I didn't say anything. I just got up, got dressed, and left. I have not looked back. There were so many reasons I should have left before that, but that one is the thing that just tipped it all for me."
14. "When he threatened to hit my dog. My dog (a 5-month-old puppy back then!) barked at him when he threatened to hit me."
—kaa
15. "When I started wearing headphones to bed. At first I told myself it was white noise so I could fall asleep, but I eventually realized it was to avoid talking to her — since any conversation was 100% going to turn into a fight."
16. "I knew I no longer loved my ex when my grandfather, who I was very close with, died. I was having a hard time processing his death and went to my ex crying once because I was sad. He looked at me, sighed, and in an angry tone said, 'What’s wrong with you? Why are you crying?' I told him and he just said, 'Well, I don’t know how to help you...'"
"It still took another three months before we ended it because my self-worth was so damaged in that relationship. I thought it was better to stay with him and miserable than to be alone."
17. "She struggled to control her spending, but we worked on it together for years. We were always adjusting the budget to give her more spending money. The issue got worse with time — until we emptied all of our savings to cover her spending leaks. We then had an expensive home repair hit us unexpectedly, and we had no money to cover it, so I met with a banker to apply for a loan. He pulled our credit reports, and I discovered she had over $50,000 in secret debt all accrued in the last few years of our marriage..."
"I approached her and her response was, 'We just have different financial goals.' I was afraid for our child's future and knew it was time to leave."
18. "When he didn't get me anything for my birthday, not even a card. Then he went away with friends a few days later and didn't tell me what city he was going to — and didn't contact me the entire time he was gone. This was before cellphones, so I had no way to reach him. He laughed when I cried about it."
19. "Was in the military and my (now-ex) husband said he wouldn’t be able to make it to a medal-pinning ceremony because his mom said she needed for him to replace the brakes in her car — that she'd barely driven..."
"I’d been away for four months prior to this, and was really looking forward to seeing him and our son. I’d already had MY mother schedule and pay for the flights for everyone, but he ended up being a no-show — Because. Of. Brakes. Ex-husband has been married and divorced twice more now for the same reason: 'My mom needs me.'"
20. "I went to an art museum by myself because he was 'too busy' that day. I walked into the French 1800s section and saw Pierre Auguste Cot’s 'Springtime.' I cried in the Met, because I realized that portrait of two lovers made me feel more love than he ever had. He never looked at me with that look. That was the moment I understood that it was over, without ever actually having begun. My friends now call a moment of realization in a relationship 'a painting moment.'"
21. "When we were separated, my 3-year-old son and I were living with my grandparents, and he asked me if I liked his daddy. I said, 'Yeah buddy, I love your daddy.' He looked at me and said, 'Why? Daddy yells at you and makes you cry.’ That killed me, and I knew it was finally over. Thankfully he doesn’t remember all that."
22. "After 13 years of marriage and me supporting his demanding military career, getting his degree, getting out, changing careers, getting a good job, I decided to finally go back to school. First, he practically demanded I quit my job because I couldn't possibly do both and still support him and the kids. Then when that didn't happen, he decided that was a good time to ramp up the self-medicating he was doing beyond alcohol. I drew a line, he crossed it, lied about it, and then lied about it some more..."
"But the final straw? Finding his AdultFriendFinder account that he signed up for while I was in the other room taking a test for school — two days before I left with the kids to visit family for two weeks. He later lied to my face and tried to say it was something I had done when I came back that caused him to get the account, it, even though I knew he signed up before I even left. Then when he couldn't lie his way out of it anymore, said it was 'to help take the pressure off' — like it was for MY benefit."
Did you have a moment when you realized your marriage was over? LMK in the comments!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.