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27 Lessons Every English Student Must Learn When They Move To Scotland

"Welcome to Scotland, bawbags."

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1. Scotland is probably a lot further away than you thought.

Getting a train from Kings Cross and feeling like Harry Potter is all very well and good until you realise you're just going to be stuck in a speeding tin can full of other people's farts for six hours.

2. It is so far, in fact, that the winter nights are actually longer there than they are in most of England.

But on the plus side, summer days are much longer.



It is different and first you will be suspicious, but then you will learn to be offended when it is rejected from shops in England despite being legal currency.


9. Your Scottish flat is probably a lot nicer than anything you can afford down south, and a whole lot cheaper.

Shoutout to 18th century Scottish town planning and Georgian architecture in general.

10. But then you quickly realise that all those beautiful old flats are indescriminately infested with mice.

And those mice, after generations of living in the same buildings, have evolved to avoid all forms of traps. All you can do is stuff the gaps under your skirting boards with steel wool and accept that you have 100 rodent flatmates.

11. But the mice are also the greatest social equaliser.

Edinburgh's New Town, Glasgow's and Aberdeen's respective West Ends, basically all of St Andrews: They're all infested with mice.


14. Independence is a very divisive topic.

Don't bring it up unless you're prepared for the debate that will follow.

15. The Scottish are very hardy.

"You pansy Southerners with your umbrellas and your coats. Viking blood is enough to keep a Scot warm."

16. But you quickly become hardy too, probably because your beautiful Georgian windows are only single glazed.

Curse you, strict Scottish building regulations and cheapskate landlords.


17. Scottish degrees are a year longer than English ones.

Dog joins graduation ceremony after helping his owner complete his university degree @BBCNews

And at the end of it you get an MA instead of a BA, but it isn't the equivalent of actually doing a Masters degree. It's all very complicated.

18. A "full English breakfast" becomes a "full Scottish breakfast".

Made Scottish by the addition of potato scones and haggis.

19. Irn Bru. Irn Bru everywhere.

Only in Scotland will you have a dedicated Irn Bru section in Asda


22. There is no British produce in shops. Only Scottish.

Anyone know why @sainsburys strawberries from Kent are 'British' while those from Fife are 'Scottish'?

23. Scottish water is much nicer.

Much of England has hard water (i.e. mineral rich water), whereas most of Scotland has very soft water (with few minerals). Try not to freak out at how limescale-free your kettle is.

24. It is illegal to sell alcohol after 10PM.

watching posh English freshers trying to buy alcohol in Morrison's after 10pm is priceless. Welcome to Scotland bawbags

And so you will get very well acquainted with the Scottish tradition of the 9.45PM alcohol run.


27. And it's easy to see why there are so many tourists – in Scotland, you're never too far from beautiful scenery.