1. Not having your card ready when you get to the barriers.
2. Not politely moving out of the way as you fumble for your card, and instead stopping in front of the gates and immediately creating a massive, angry mob behind you.
3. Walking at any pace that wouldn’t be considered a power walk, even though you’re fully capable of doing so.
4. Pausing or hesitating at any point. It is a sign of weakness and be prepared to be bumped into.
5. Staring at the person sitting across from you and then maintaining eye contact when they see you staring.
6. Sitting down in the seat directly next to someone, even though the rest of the carriage is basically free.
7. Eating something smelly.
8. Eating something smelly then leaving the discarded remains on the seat.
9. Eating something whilst smacking your lips and licking your fingers.
10. Eating and doing all of the above, whilst also maintaining eye contact with the person sitting opposite to you.
P...Paddington!?
11. Eating anything that comes with a little ketchup packet, then leaving the ketchup packet lying on the floor until someone inevitably steps on it and squirts ketchup everywhere.
12. Eating anything or in any way at all, tbh.
13. Popping open a can of energy drink at 8AM. I don’t know what sort of life you’re living, but it’s stressing me out.
14. Placing any sort of open drinks container on the floor between your legs, as if we’re not on a moving vehicle or locomotive that might stop abruptly at any moment and spill milkshake all over you and all those unfortunate enough to be near you.
15. Leaving an empty drink on the floor so it falls over and rolls about and everyone ignores it because they don’t want to be responsible for it, pretending they can’t hear a can rolling about the top floor of a bus and then dropping down the stairs very, very loudly.
16. Looking happy during the rush hour commute, making the misery of other commuters all the more obvious.
17. Being a group of small and excitable children. Kids are cute and our future or whatever, but I do not want to be locked in a confined space with 20 of them.
18. Trying to flirt with someone. It’s creepy and it’s even worse because the unwilling recipient of your affections is momentarily trapped, not just by you but by the fact that they’re in a small, moving, and confined space with you.
19. Literally any form of public displays of affection.
20. Especially when it’s on an escalator. Why do people always make out on escalators? We can still see you.
Really unpleasant drunk man just jumped on the train and shouted, ‘Is this fucking train going to Sutton or what?’ Everyone said yes. He sat down and immediately passed out. This train is 100 per cent not going to Sutton. #londonshortstories
21. Standing on the left side of the escalator. This should simply be made illegal.
22. Being drunk and chanting in a group.
23. Not being drunk and chanting in a group. That’s just creepy.
24. Being sober, alone, and chanting. Obviously, the creepiest kind of chanting.
25. Chanting of any kind just doesn’t belong on public transport, tbh.
26. Being drunk on your own, although that’s probably worse for you tbh.
27. Putting your legs literally anywhere but the floor.
28. Sitting on the floor when there are no seats available. You’re not free-spirited, you’ve just got a dirty bum and you’re taking up more space than if you were standing.
29. Putting your bag on the floor when you could easily put it on your lap.
30. Not saying thank you to the bus driver when you get off.
31. Basically anything that isn’t quietly minding your own business.
32. And of course, not offering your seat to someone who needs it more than you.