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27 Things Only Kids From Russian-Speaking Households Understand

Selyodka pod shuboy, anyone?

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1. The first thing you must do when you get indoors is take off your shoes.

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2. The next thing you must do is put on your slippers.

Your family also probably have a bunch of spare slippers in different sizes, for guests.

3. If you don't do that, you risk freezing your ovaries.

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Which is apparently real and the direct consequence of walking around barefoot, according to your mum.

4. Actually, any ailment is the direct consequence of not wearing your slippers.

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5. You were raised believing a whole load of superstitions.

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Whistling indoors = whistling your fortune away.

6. Extracurricular after-school activities were a must.

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You either had to learn a musical instrument or a sport, or both.

7. Any grade less than an A was unacceptable.

school grades coLLEGE WORK MONEY BILLS ADULTHOOD RESPONSIBILITY

8. Caviar isn't fancy, it's standard.

In case anyone was wondering how my Russian Thanksgiving was..... We rode bears with Putin and had gallons of caviar

9. You had to learn and recite very long poems as a child.

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Maybe also while wearing a large bantik.

10. There is a very high probability you write in cursive, no matter the language.

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Russian is always written in cursive (even if that means all the letters look the same), which means your handwriting in all other languages is extra ~fancy~ looking.

11. Birthdays always entail half a dozen very long calls from relatives.

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During which they wish you literally every single positive thing that you could wish someone, and you do the same in return, then you spend a further 10 minutes saying goodbye.

12. There is almost always a big pot of soup in the fridge.

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Probably borscht.

13. The rudest thing you can do is not offer a guest anything to eat.

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And the most civil thing to do is offer them literally all the food you have.

14. All parties and celebrations start with everyone sitting at a massive table covered in food.

#growinguprussian on Thanksgiving, you wouldn’t even have a turkey just a lot of russian food

15. That table probably had a special tablecloth on it that your mum had saved especially for this occasion.

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16. You also had special, massive crystal glasses and decanters for these events.

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17. And you spent the day preparing incredibly elaborate "salads".

These tend to be more mayonnaise than vegetable.
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These tend to be more mayonnaise than vegetable.

18. If you're also from Central Asia, maybe you made these at every special event.

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19. Then, when everyone is settled, come the inevitable toasts.

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They are always incredibly elaborate, with the speaker occasionally forgetting why they're standing up holding up their glass because their anecdote took so long.

20. Then, when everyone is sufficiently drunk and full, everyone would put on ~classic Soviet hits~ and have a little dance.

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Probably to Alla Pugacheva or Kirkorov.

21. You probably have an acoustic guitar, even if no one in your family plays.

22. Any time you're anxious, your mum tells you to have some valerian root.

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You probably have a box full of ~special Russian herbal medicine~.

23. You probably have a wall of books.

Книги делятся на два вида: книги на час и книги навсегда.

With the whole works of Pushkin, Chekhov, Tolstoy, and Dostoevsky, of course, but also a load of foreign writers translated into Russian, too.

24. Many of your family members and friends are "engineers".

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Where "engineer" can refer to almost any technical profession:

Programmer? Engineer.

Construction manager? Engineer.

Designer? Engineer.

25. You probably have a good number of scientists and doctors in your family circle, too.

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26. Every New Year's Eve involved having the TV playing the New Year's concert.

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Featuring the same stars that have been performing for decades.

27. The best part, though, was the old Soviet cartoons.

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Vinni Puh > Winnie the Pooh.