1. What the top half of you lacks, you more than make up for with the lower half.
2. Like, 50% of you looks like you've barely reached puberty and the rest looks like a Kardashian.
3. You're two totally different sizes on top and on the bottom.
4. Which makes finding clothes that actually fit a total pain.
5. There are only two ways trying on jeans can go. Either they won't fit over your thighs and arse...
6. ...or they won't even touch your waist.
7. (Unless you're buying vintage, because up until some point in the '90s, clothes makers were aware that women's hips can actually be larger than their waists.)
8. Leggings should be the solution to your jeans problem, but they almost always show your underwear because they have to stretch so much over your butt.
Dear legging makers, is it too much to ask for leggings to not be see through? Sincerely, every girl ever. @Deadlysunshine
9. And pencil dresses are a total nightmare, too.
10. So you're pretty accustomed to going to the tailor.
11. You're actually super thankful for the crop-top trend.
12. If you lose weight, most of the weight lost will be from your boobs.
13. And if you gain weight, the first place it'll show will be on your arse and hips.
14. You've been told you have "child-bearing hips" at least once.
15. Your hips bump into things (and people) all the time.
16. Walking in front of people makes you deeply uncomfortable sometimes, especially if you're going up stairs.
17. But wearing a low-cut top is no problem.
18. Wearing a baggy jumper means you immediately look about 10 times larger.
19. Street harassers seem to save their most vile crap just for you and your butt.
20. Though you can sleep on your front...
21. ...your lower back may never have touched the bed.
22. At some point you may have listened to all the "rules" about dressing for a "pear-shaped body".
23. These rules are always about telling you that you NEED to "balance" your body.
24. But then you realised it's much better and more fun to dress in clothes that make you feel good rather than clothes that create "optical illusions".
25. So, despite all the tailoring and trouble, you love your butt.
26. And your nonexistent boobs.
