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18 Dream London Properties You Can't Afford But Wanna Look At Anyway

Gather around and weep, millennials.

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1. This decadent mansion, for when Versailles is unavailable.

Price: £15,950,000

Location: Regent's Park, NW1

Bedrooms: Nine

Ideal For: Pretending to be Marie Antoinette, suppressing the proletariat.

2. This mansion that looks like it should be in the home counties, but is actually in Zone 2.

Price: £8,750,000

Location: Denmark Hill, SE5

Bedrooms: Eight

Ideal For: Providing a good home for your thoroughbred dogs and numerous Barbour jackets.

3. This incredibly reflective Kensington penthouse.

Price: £10,000,000

Location: South Kensington, SW7

Bedrooms: Three

Ideal For: Hosting elaborate dinner parties, watching your reflection in the many mirrored surfaces as you have sex, American Psycho style.


4. This very traditional-looking family home in Chelsea.

Price: £5,750,000

Location: Chelsea, SW10

Bedrooms: Six

Ideal For: Having a tightly-knit family, slightly intimidating your grandchildren's respective partners whilst you sip tea from a cup and saucer.

5. This absolutely expansive, Tudor-esque mansion in Enfield.

Price: £5,000,000

Location: Enfield, EN2

Bedrooms: Seven

Ideal For: Hosting immersive performances of Shakespeare's plays, using a scooter indoors.

6. This very stylish flat, not far from Oxford Street.

Price: £4,500,000

Location: Connaught Village, W2

Bedrooms: Five

Ideal For: Spending approximately three weeks a year in, because you spread your time across London, L.A., New York, Bermuda and Berkshire.

7. This Rococo dream/nightmare that has a bloody outdoor swimming pool. A swimming pool. In London.

Price: £3,999,950

Location: Ealing, W5

Bedrooms: Eight

Ideal For: Powdering your wigs, waiting for the three days in July when it'll actually be warm enough to use the outdoor pool.

8. This high-rise swanky flat in the City of London.

Price: £4,500,000

Location: City, EC2Y

Bedrooms: Two

Ideal For: Being really exhausted because stock shares have dramatically fallen and you've been up all night.


9. This modernist flat with a matching sleek roof terrace.

Price: £3,350,000

Location: South Kensington, SW7

Bedrooms: Two

Ideal For: Impressing Kevin McCloud with your attention to detail and carefully-crafted floating staircase.

10. This incredible warehouse conversion in the prestigious but unfortunately named "Execution Dock" area of Wapping.

Price: £3,100,000

Location: Wapping, E1W

Bedrooms: Two

Ideal For: Documenting your very tasteful life on Instagram, being haunted by the ghosts that must certainly live in a place named "Execution Dock".

11. This expensive-looking, and actually expensive, house in Victoria Park.

Price: £3,000,000

Location: Victoria Park, E9

Bedrooms: Five

Ideal For: Inviting your well-groomed friends over for brunch to discuss the merits of the various private schools in the area, having fresh-cut flowers delivered to you weekly, being haunted by the creepy doll in your bedroom.

12. This minimalist and very spacious flat, with a walk-in closet and panoramic views of the city.

Price: £7,950,000

Location: Marylebone, NW1

Bedrooms: Four

Ideal For: Admiring the city from high above, making easy work of cleaning because everything is wipe-clean.

13. This architecturally interesting house with a very well-equipped indoor gym.

Price: £3,750,000

Location: Hocroft Estate, NW2

Bedrooms: Six

Ideal For: Keeping super fit, hosting '70s-themed parties.


14. This absolutely expansive, newly-built home with a split-level garden and two media rooms.

Price: £3,750,000

Location: Hadley Wood, EN4

Bedrooms: Six

Ideal For: Pretending you live somewhere in America.

15. This massive penthouse with the most gorgeous view of Tower Bridge.

Price: £5,000,000

Location: Tower Bridge, E1W

Bedrooms: Three

Ideal For: Starting your own dance studio.

16. This super pretty, light, and airy flat in Kensington.

Price: £4,650,000

Location: South Kensington, SW7

Bedrooms: Four

Ideal For: Filming YouTube videos and taking promotional photos for your new clean-eating cookbook.

17. This perfect house in Shoreditch with a Pinterest-worthy staircase library and lovely roof terrace.

Price: £2,450,000

Location: Shoreditch, E2

Bedrooms: Two

Ideal For: Displaying all the interesting artefacts you found on your travels across the world, living my personal dream life.

18. And finally, this lovely, but entirely normal-looking flat that's still entirely out of your price range.

Price: £1,000,000

Location: Kensington, W8

Bedrooms: Two

Ideal For: Weeping over the ludicrously inflated house prices in London.

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