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Gather around and weep, millennials.
Price: £8,750,000
Location: Denmark Hill, SE5
Bedrooms: Eight
Ideal For: Providing a good home for your thoroughbred dogs and numerous Barbour jackets.
Price: £10,000,000
Location: South Kensington, SW7
Bedrooms: Three
Ideal For: Hosting elaborate dinner parties, watching your reflection in the many mirrored surfaces as you have sex, American Psycho style.
Price: £5,750,000
Location: Chelsea, SW10
Bedrooms: Six
Ideal For: Having a tightly-knit family, slightly intimidating your grandchildren's respective partners whilst you sip tea from a cup and saucer.
Price: £5,000,000
Location: Enfield, EN2
Bedrooms: Seven
Ideal For: Hosting immersive performances of Shakespeare's plays, using a scooter indoors.
Price: £4,500,000
Location: Connaught Village, W2
Bedrooms: Five
Ideal For: Spending approximately three weeks a year in, because you spread your time across London, L.A., New York, Bermuda and Berkshire.
Price: £3,999,950
Location: Ealing, W5
Bedrooms: Eight
Ideal For: Powdering your wigs, waiting for the three days in July when it'll actually be warm enough to use the outdoor pool.
Price: £4,500,000
Location: City, EC2Y
Bedrooms: Two
Ideal For: Being really exhausted because stock shares have dramatically fallen and you've been up all night.
Price: £3,350,000
Location: South Kensington, SW7
Bedrooms: Two
Ideal For: Impressing Kevin McCloud with your attention to detail and carefully-crafted floating staircase.
Price: £3,100,000
Location: Wapping, E1W
Bedrooms: Two
Ideal For: Documenting your very tasteful life on Instagram, being haunted by the ghosts that must certainly live in a place named "Execution Dock".
Price: £3,000,000
Location: Victoria Park, E9
Bedrooms: Five
Ideal For: Inviting your well-groomed friends over for brunch to discuss the merits of the various private schools in the area, having fresh-cut flowers delivered to you weekly, being haunted by the creepy doll in your bedroom.
Price: £7,950,000
Location: Marylebone, NW1
Bedrooms: Four
Ideal For: Admiring the city from high above, making easy work of cleaning because everything is wipe-clean.
Price: £3,750,000
Location: Hocroft Estate, NW2
Bedrooms: Six
Ideal For: Keeping super fit, hosting '70s-themed parties.
Price: £3,750,000
Location: Hadley Wood, EN4
Bedrooms: Six
Ideal For: Pretending you live somewhere in America.
Price: £5,000,000
Location: Tower Bridge, E1W
Bedrooms: Three
Ideal For: Starting your own dance studio.
Price: £4,650,000
Location: South Kensington, SW7
Bedrooms: Four
Ideal For: Filming YouTube videos and taking promotional photos for your new clean-eating cookbook.
Price: £2,450,000
Location: Shoreditch, E2
Bedrooms: Two
Ideal For: Displaying all the interesting artefacts you found on your travels across the world, living my personal dream life.
Price: £1,000,000
Location: Kensington, W8
Bedrooms: Two
Ideal For: Weeping over the ludicrously inflated house prices in London.