back to top

If You've Done 19/27 Of These Things, You're Addicted To Online Shopping

Are you on first name terms with your postman?

  1. Tick off all the things that apply to you
    Check
    1. Your flatmates hate you because they’re always having to run to the door to sign for your parcel.
    Check
    2. Your neighbours hate you because they basically always have a package for you in their porch.
    Check
    3. Or you’re now great friends with your neighbours, because if it wasn’t for your constant stream of missed packages, you may never have even met them.
    Check
    4. Your whole inbox is basically just brand newsletters.
    Check
    5. Your main morning activity is unsubscribing to newsletters you signed up to once two years ago just to get a 10% discount on something you returned anyway.
    Check
    6. You are basically always at the post office with a return.
    Check
    7. You actually hate real, physical shops.
    Check
    8. You have no idea why someone would bother venturing out to a real, physical shop during the sales when they can have the exact same results but stay in bed for the process.
    Check
    9. You’re on first name terms with your postman.
    Check
    10. And your DPD driver.
    Check
    11. And your Hermes drivers.
    Check
    12. In fact, you know you’d recognise each one of them if you bumped into them, out of uniform, on the street, and probably have a nice chat.
    Check
    13. You get so many packages delivered to your work that your colleagues have noticed.
    Check
    14. And take the piss out of you for it.
    Check
    15. Whoever is in charge of sorting out the post at your work kind of hates you for it, too.
    Check
    16. You’ve literally been through 46554334 pages of stuff when trying to find something specific.
    Check
    17. You might be terrible with numbers in any other context except remembering your credit card details.
    Check
    18. Which means you’ve made more than one regrettable drunk purchase.
    Check
    19. You probably have at least four items in your cart on more websites than you can remember.
    Check
    20. You’re pretty much always scared to check your bank balance.
    Check
    21. But you’re pretty much always expecting a refund, so it's never ~really~ that bad.
    Check
    22. You know full well that 80% of the time whatever you buy online will never fulfill your expectation, but you’re still disappointed and surprised.
    Check
    23. That never stops you from ordering again.
    Check
    24. You put a shopping ban on yourself every couple off weeks.
    Check
    25. You can never really stick to the shopping ban.
    Check
    26. Whenever someone calls you out for your online shopping addiction, you like to remind them there could be much worse things you might be addicted to.
    Check
    27. And most importantly, they know you always have a discount code you can share with them.
Connect with As/Is