1. OK, just need one quick thing and I'm out of here.
2. Whoa, how much do humidifiers cost?
3. If I had a humidifier, I'd probably never get sick.
4. Yeah, no, those are way too expensive. I want my nights to be blessed with clean...humidity?…but not for more than, like, 40 bucks.
5. What makes a pan a good pan?
6. This pan is heavier than that other pan. I think I like that. This is a good pan.
7. I'm going to put this pan on my future wedding registry.
8. Maybe I should just walk around and pretend like that's what I'm doing.
9. The only thing standing in the way of me and endless healthy smoothies is this $700 blender. Which is now on my future registry. Literally cannot wait to get that.
10. I've always heard a good set of knives is all you need, so I should probably browse that section for a bit.
11. Whoa. What's the deal with this teal knife? Why is it teal? I want it.
12. I have a cutting board, but I could probably use a nicer one.
13. Do I need scissors?
14. Not enough people in my life own an apple peeler. Why is no one peeling an apple anymore? I'm going to start doing that. New trend: apple peeling.
15. What do every single one of these candles smell like?
16. I love candles.
17. Maybe I should get a candle for my bedroom.
18. I need a new pillow.
19. I don't know a lot about pillows, but I'm going to push my hand into every one to see if my head would like it.
20. I could also probably use some new sheets.
21. Is a 200 thread count good? I know Egyptian cotton is good, but what is a good thread count?
22. Well, this one has 400, so 200 is definitely not good. 400 is the way to go.
23. Holy crap! 725?! How is that even possible? Why are there so many threads in these sheets?
24. Wait. How can one sheet have 200 threads and another sheet the same size have 725 threads? What takes the place of those 525 missing threads?
25. Is it air? Wouldn't that make it softer? You know what — I'm going with 400.
26. I'll put the 725 sheets on my wedding registry.
27. Hold. Up. Are those floor mats? I wonder how soft they are.
28. Oh my god, this is so small. Who is matting their floor with these? Not me. Good-bye floor mats.
29. And hello towels.
30. You can never have too many towels.
31. I bet this towel has 725 threads in it.
32. How much does just a standard bath towel cost? I know $5.99 is too cheap, but do I really need a $49.99 towel?
33. Do they sell bathrobes here?
34. In my next home, I'm getting a waterfall shower head.
35. I don't know why, but I don't trust shower head companies. How can there be that much of a difference, really?
36. Oh, this one has nine settings.
37. Need to remember to put that on the registry.
38. This store is incredible.
40. I don't care what anyone says, the Dyson Ball is the best invention of our time. Completely revolutionized the vacuuming game.
41. That's definitely going on the registry.
42. Did I pass the shelves? Where were the shelves? That's the only thing I came for.
43. Oh, look at these baskets.
44. I could probably find a use for these somewhere.
45. Commercial grade garment rack? That sounds serious. That has to be sturdy.
46. Garment racks should have the equivalent of a thread count. How sturdy is this thing on a scale of 200–725?
47. Who is using this ladder?
48. Don't get on the ladder.
49. Seriously, don't do it.
50. But what if I need a ladder to get my shelf?
51. Oh man, what if I stepped on the ladder? I bet everyone would freak out.
52. No, no, I won't do that.
53. You know what? I don't think I need these shelves anymore.
54. I don't even have a toolbox, so…
55. Guess I'll just buy this apple peeler.
56. WITH THAT 20% OFF COUPON!!