7 Things Which Are More Uncomfortable than Gay Marriage and Must Be Banned Immediately

Today, Nigel Farage justified UKIP’s anti-gay-marriage stance by stating that homosexuality makes most people over 70 “uncomfortable”. Here is a list of 7 other things which make people uncomfortable and should therefore be banned immediately:

1. Glasses:

Via HilariousGifs.com

I see where those elderly people are coming from, you know? A good person should reject all things which are 'unnatural'. Glasses, see you later!

2. Seatbelts:

Via giphy.com

They might save lives but A LOT of people find them uncomfortable. Get rid of them!

3. Farts... and lifts too:

Via 9gag.com

Don't you just hate it when somebody farts in the lift and nobody knows who did it? Yeah, that sure does make me uncomfortable. Ban farts. Ban lifts too.

4. When people sing 'Happy Birthday' to you:

Via nasithean.tumblr.com

How are you meant to respond when a room full of people are singing to you? Do you sing along? Wait, no... is it better to sit still and smile politely? OH THE DISCOMFORT. This should be banned immediately.

5. Silence:

Via giphy.com

Nobody likes an awkward silence. Let's just get rid of silence all together to be safe.

6. First dates:

These make people feel uncomfortable and there should therefore be a national decree banning first dates. Everybody must automatically proceed to second dates.

7. Slides:

Via gihpy.com

The argument that I'll use to ban these is that they're a slippery slope.