10,000 Calorie Challenges: My YouTube Quarter-Life Crisis

23 years on this planet and it was all leading up to this.

It started out like any other day

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I was catching up on the various japes of FunforLouis, the Vlogbrothers and Charlieissocoollike (and various other #relatable names).

And then I began delving into a more niche side of YouTuber vloggery; Foodtubers.

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Now, i realise that names such as Daym Drops and KDB Productions TV may not be household for some, if not most of our general society; but to me - frankly they fill a void that no one else could.

I've always loved watching cookery & food shows on TV and when i found out there was a section on YouTube for food reviews and other 'watching people eat in front of a camera' videos i was over the moon.

It's not for everyone, i realise. Watching people enjoy delicious food that you don't have sat in front of you is essentially nourishment pornography, but humour me here.

Soon enough, however innocent food reviews became challenges, challenges started getting a *vomit warning* in their title and - next thing I know I'm sat at 2:30 in the morning crying with laughter as I watch a man attempt to drink over 3 litres of Christmas ale and vomit violently; pulling a face seeming to recreate that iconic moment in "Total Recall" where Arnold Schwarzenegger falls onto the surface of mars.

Now, frankly I didn't think I could sink any lower. This beats slipping over in the showers at school as a 'blossoming' teen. This beats pretending I hated everything and was 'moody' and 'deep' to impress girls (also as a teen). This beats my first sexual encounter. Or so I thought.

Then came the 10,000 calorie challenges.

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Now, I'd like to state straight away that I didn't intend for this to happen. I was innocent, I tell you! INNOCENT!

I stumbled upon one of these fabled 10,000 calorie challenges and, after realising it was over 25 minutes long, stopped watching almost immediately.

But, then they started becoming suggested on my homepage... they were EVERYWHERE.

There was a suggested 10,000 calorie challenge on every single video I watched - even clips of Danny DeVito from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". I had no choice - what could I do?!

I dived right in.

Gifbay / Via gifbay.com

The first hour's watching flew by; I was in an unknown state of ecstasy. One that I'd never known possible.

I was thoroughly entertained.

But, soon enough hours had passed and I was getting hungrier (both literally and metaphorically).

At this point I was insatiable; 15,000, 30,000 - the numbers got higher and higher. I saw the human stomach face things that no man ever should.

Days passed and now 10,000 calorie challenges had become a part of my daily routine; I ended up watching at least one during dinner each day, which unfortunately for me now means that I don't bat an eyelash to eating an entire large Domino's with sides.

My suggested videos box is full of them, my YouTube history is full of them and I'm now even debating making my own (I should mention at this point that the people I've seen taking on this challenge are exclusively bodybuilders, whereas I am what I refer to as a 'bellybuilder'.)

The only time I've taken off of watching these monolithic challenges was to write this article.

This is now a cry for help.

SAVE ME FROM THE KRISPY KREMES

FREE ME FROM THE QUADRUPLE CHEESEBURGERS

I'm starting to think there's no hope. They're in my dreams; in my mind. There's no escape.