A Definitive Ranking Of The 10 Most Offensive Halloween Candies

If you aren't offended, you aren't trick or treating.

10. Almond "Joy"

Hershey's

Not everyone is joyous about almonds. What if you have nut allergies? And don't even get me started on the impact almond growers are having on the California drought. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you feel like caring about the earth.

9. Mounds

Hershey's

Oh what, you think THIS is better? Check your privilege. I don't need your male gaze on my mounds, mister. My candies are up here.

8. Smarties

Smarties Candy Co.

Oh wow, someone is so smart! Good for you, brainiac. I guess I'll just sit here with my bag of Dum Dums.

7. Bit-O-Honey

BEE KEEPING IS SLAVERY

6. Baby Ruth

Nestle

The name's not "Baby," it's "Ruth." Would you call Big Hunk "Baby?" What about Mr. Goodbar? You think he'd like that, or do you think you'd get a mouth full of peanuts? Stop treating candy like it's just some cute little thing that has to sit there and look pretty while you unwrap it with your eyes.

5. Chunky

Nestle

Seriously? Chunky? Not cool. Real candy has peanuts and raisins.

4. $100,000 Bar

Nestle

Well, well, if it isn't the candy bar for the 1%. Nice try, Nestle. Get back to us when you come up with a "Living Wage Bar."

3. "Milk" Chocolate

Hershey's

The lighter the chocolate, the more bags it gets into. It's just the fact. People can't handle the real cocoa. Don't believe me? Then why are there always Hershey's Special Dark miniatures left over? Think about that one.

2. Sno Caps

Nestle

Hey, enjoy them while you can, right? Because it won't be long now before every Sno Cap on earth melts, and Canada is under three feet of nonpareils.

1. Mike and Ike

Mike and Ike, "The Original Fruits?" Wow. Next you'll be telling me that this violates the sanctity of your Good 'n Plenty. Troglodyte.