I hate Jeremy Maclin. I have never met him, and almost certainly never will. He is a professional football player, and my biggest accomplishment to date is acquiring a degree so useless in our current cultural environment, it's only real purpose is to qualify me for a more advanced and similarly more expensive degree of the same cloth. We were born three years and a thousand miles apart, so how can I hate him? I hate Jeremy Maclin because two years ago—confidently up twenty eight points in my fantasy football matchup, with only one player to go (Maclin obviously) he posted twenty nine points. The worst (or best) part of Maclin's night, as some of you undoubtedly remember, is that his catch that secured his twenty ninth fantasy point was also his last. In fact, he dropped an easy ball shorty thereafter—bounced right off his chest, that could have extended the game, and given his team a chance to win. The combination of the game, the fantasy matchup, and my absurd rage (caught on a video that I can only pray has since been deleted) can only be described as a debacle.
Even writing this, I feel like I'm getting away from myself. I can't stick to the point. I have no right to hate Jeremy Maclin. For all I know we would get along perfectly. But I am far from the only person to have feelings like this. Fantasy Football invites it. Just last week Ray Rice was injured and got a barrage of angry tweets from his fantasy owners. He was not very happy about it, and responded accordingly. My kneejerk reaction to those tweets is something like, "Real classy guys," but I'm not sure I'm any better. Fantasy football brings out the absolute worst in people. Only in America, can we turn something that is ostensibly a game, which is supposed to be fun, into another hateful internet activity, which seems to be most internet activity these days. I can't even get started on reddit.
For proof of this I turn to my own fantasy football league. On the surface we are ten college educated men who come from varying levels of general prosperity. But by kickoff time we are profane insult hurling, trash talking, chronic bad spellers. See "tebockle" for "debacle". At times, there are even genuinely cringe worthy moments of actual hurt, and I am as guilty as anyone else.The lines are blurred Robin Thicke style when the chips are down. What is acceptable to say about another human being takes on a devil may care attitude, and sometimes it isn't worth it. Actually, most of the time it isn't worth it, but good luck convincing anyone of that.
So as another fantasy football week begins this Thursday night, and a legion of normally well adjusted people across America turn into babbling psychopaths, I wish you and your team good luck, and good mental health. Also you should probably pick up Eddie Royal if everyone in your league is f$%^ing a moron and he's still available.
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