Tattoo Artists Are Sharing The Wildest Tattoos They've Ever Done, And I Legit Just Spit Out My Coffee

    "A guy wanted Pinocchio on his crotch, with the penis as his nose."

    Hi, I'm Morgan! (And this is my son, Dandelion.) As you can see, I've got a full sleeve. I've also got 15 other tats! So it's safe to say that I'm kindaaa obsessed with tattoos.

    So when I was scrolling on my phone today, I saw that Reddit user u/soapsoupsin asked the question, "Tattoo artists of Reddit, what is the most fucked-up thing you've tattooed?" Obviously, that caught my interest!

    And what I read made my spit out my coffee!! Here are some of the wildest responses:

    1. "I had a guy get a tattoo of his wife fingering her own ass — while she sat and watched me tattoo it on him. Interesting experience trying to get the shading on her labia just right while she was peering over my shoulder."


    2. "I had a gentleman come in when I’d only been tattooing for about three years. I was in the middle of a tattoo and somewhat (understandably) distracted. The fella pulls out his knob and shows me a poorly done star on the head. He wants it fixed…and wants me to add another star and a crescent moon. He told his wife he’d give her the moon and stars."

    "He made an appointment for the following day. When he showed up, I gave him a set of gloves and told him he was gonna be helping to stretch the skin. He was a good sport about it, and all went well and fine…till he told me they were swingers and invited me over to their home to drink Crown and bang his wife. I politely declined, which is probably why the wife got the only 'tip' outta the deal."


    3. "I just started tattooing, so I was taking any kind of walk-in I could get. This guy would come in every few weeks and get his girlfriend’s name tattooed on him. The same name, all different ways: in a diamond, attached to an infinity symbol, with a lady bug. One day, he came in WITH her. I was surprised because I'd never seen her, and I'd always wanted to know who was this muse of shitty name tattoos!"

    "She seemed pissed off and unapproachable; the guy was in high spirits, though. I skipped the small talk with her, did the tattoo, let them leave. He came in a few weeks later, alone. I finally asked him, 'Why all the name tattoos?' He told me that he would tattoo her name on himself every time he cheated on her, and she found out."


    4. "When I was getting tattooed, I asked my artist what his most fucked-up tat was. He told me a guy wanted Pinocchio on his crotch, with the penis as his nose. My artist did it and said the customer seemed happy with it."


    5. "Not a tattoo artist myself, but I trained for a bit. Asked a master what the weirdest thing he tattooed was, and he said, without hesitation, "A pair of eyes on me mate’s balls.'"


    6. "Usually, things I didn’t feel comfortable putting on people, I would turn away. But I had a coworker who would scoop them up and do the tattoo for them. One was a girl who had just turned 18. She wanted a chain around her waist with a lock hanging down, just above her vagina, and the words 'Property of Dave.'"

    "First off, she was 18, so I figured the relationship probably wasn’t going to last, so I wouldn’t do it, for that reason. Then come to find out that her boyfriend had just been sentenced to life in prison. The girl was making a terrible, emotional mistake. I refused, but my coworker did the tattoo."


    7. "Guy wanted the thumbs-up emoji on his taint. Apparently, he wanted everyone down there to know he 'appreciates a job well done.' I passed him off to a male colleague, who did not stop giggling the entire session."


    8. "My friend asked this when he got his first tattoo. The artist said he had a totally sober girl come in and ask for the Kum & Go logo tattooed right above her ass. The artist ensured that she understood everything the tattoo implied and that it was permanent. She still got it."


    9. "The weirdest was the guy who wanted a brown star outline tattooed on his elbow because 'My ma says I can't tell my arse from my elbow!' Once it was healed, apparently people didn't get the joke. So he came back with printed photos from a disposable camera of his own butthole, and he wanted that tattooed in the middle of the brown star."


    10. "Eight ball on a guy's testicle. Blackworked the whole testicle, left a hole, and tattooed an 8 in the left-out space."


    11. "The artist I use told me that this guy would come in every so often, wanting Playboy Bunnies tattooed on his cheeks. My artist won't do face tattoos, so he kept telling him no. One day, the guy came in, wanting something else, so the artist went in the back to get some artwork."

    "When he came back, the guy was walking around, eating KFC, getting it all over the carpet, and walking on it. The artist said, 'You know what? I'll do the bunnies after all.' That guy now has those bunnies on his cheeks, and the artist now calls him chicken boy."


    12. "My friend had a guy come in wanting an ass tattoo. He had drawn up the artwork himself and wanted a sloth on his ass cheek, done to look like it was coming out of his ass. The sloth was smiling, giving a thumbs-up."


    13. "My cousin is a tattoo artist, and he had a woman who wanted cheetah print from her pubic area all the way through her butt crack. He tattooed this woman's perineum and asshole. With cheetah print."


    14. "My tattoo artist told me he tattooed a pair of wings on some dude's dick."


    15. "Not an artist myself, but the one I use told me about this guy who wanted his girlfriend's name tattooed on him. My artist doesn't like doing names but was convinced to do it. While he was working, the guy was on the phone with the girlfriend, crying."

    "The artist didn't understand why he was crying so much; it couldn't hurt that much. Then he started paying attention to the conversation. The girlfriend had already dumped him, and the guy thought the tattoo would convince her to take him back."


    16. "I had an older lady (definitely over 80) come in wanting a butterfly tattoo…on her labia. Actually turned out really pretty. She loved it and was a pleasure to work with! Every time I do a butterfly tat now, I think of her flaps."


    17. "Asked my first tattoo artist this question. Super-professional guy who has gotten awards for his work. But he said he did some dodgy tattoos in order to get his reputation started. One of those was for a girl who was an aspiring porn star. He tattooed her butthole to be a 'more appealing' pink color."


    18. And finally, "This young man wanted a tattoo on his back. It said, 'Lisa, please forgive me.' I asked him if this was some last-ditch effort to get this girl back. He said yes, and I told him it was a really bad idea and he shouldn’t do this. He wanted the tattoo anyway, so he got it."

    "If it worked out with him and the girl, she would always remember this terrible thing he did that was so bad, he had to get a tattoo to try to prove how wrong he was. Or, if it didn’t work out, whoever he dated afterward would ask him what terrible thing he did that was so bad, he had to get a tattoo to try fixing things with his ex. It seemed like a no-win scenario with that tattoo. My advice is, if your tattoo artist is telling you something isn’t a good idea, just take a moment and consider why."


    Now I wanna know if you've ever seen any wild tattoos! Sound off in the comments below!

    Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.