As a child of divorce, I know exactly how important — and difficult! — it can be for parents to remain amicable after they split.
Well, I recently stumbled across this post in the "Am I The Asshole" subreddit where a mom told her kids that their dad was behind on child support after he claimed to be the one paying for everything. Here's the full story:
BTW, if you've never heard of it, r/AmItheAsshole is a place where people can ask folks on the internet to weigh in on if they're being an asshole or not in certain situations.
"Two kids (13 and 11). I’m not going to lie – we live a pretty frugal life. All my extra money I make goes into their college accounts or fun weekends. Dad has them once a month and is the fun parent. Can’t get his child support payments in, but willing to do a surprise trip to Kennywood [amusement park]. It’s frustrating all right."
"I try not to say anything bad about him, but he has been pushing the narrative that without him and the money he gives me, we wouldn’t have the home. It’s so false, and now the kids are doing, well, dad 'pays' for this. My last straw was when the kids told me that it’s dad who pays for the home."
"So I pulled up my budget spreadsheet, and it includes all the stuff that he pays for (including child support, but he hasn’t paid for the past two months)."
"The kids were upset for being lied to, and the oldest got in an argument with him since she called to confirm. He and I got in an argument, and he is calling me a jerk. My friends are split on this, and I am wondering if I went too far," she concluded.
As you might imagine, there were tons of responses for this one!
In case you're not familiar, people usually respond with one of four options: YTA (you're the A-hole), NTA (not the A-hole), ESH (everyone sucks here), or NAH (no A-hole here).
The majority of folks said she's not the A-hole:
"Yeah, he fucked around and had to find out. What a monumental asshole. Mama bear is A-okay."
"NTA. I hate to see kids pulled into divorce and support drama, but they’re old enough to know the truth."
"NTA. Literally, all he had to do was say nothing??? Why would he paint you in a bad light to your children when he is the one behind on payments?! There is nothing more vile than a man who emotionally manipulates and lies to his children, all in the name of ego and ex-bashing. TBH, if you have a lawyer, I would let them know that in addition to non-payment, he’s badmouthing you to your children."
And many even commended her for introducing her kids to budgeting and personal finance:
"She was right to tell them, AND they learned about budgeting and finances, which is something I wish high schools would do. That has far wider use than trigonometry. NTA."
"NTA. Hard situation, but honestly showing a spreadsheet of expenses is a more considerate and thoughtful way of showing this to kids. They are old enough to begin to understand, and this is better than emotional manipulation, guilt, or deceit."
But there were a few who thought the mom could have gone about this differently:
"ESH. I come from a divorced family and hated when mom or dad said bad stuff about the other one. I think you should have told him that he needs to stop saying that and to set the record straight. And if he doesn’t, then you will include the kids in on your budget as a way to teach them about money, and in turn, they will learn that their dad is full of it. But at least it wouldn’t look like you attacking their dad."
"ESH. Him for not paying his share, and you for turning the kids against the father. These are kids just entering their teenage years – there is a LOT about this situation they may not understand. It should have stayed between you and the father."
"You should have taken things up with your ex-husband before doing that. Also, I'm not trying to make it sound like not paying child support is okay, but you state that you live a 'pretty frugal life,' and dad only has the kids once a month. Maybe he is just trying to spend the little amount of time he has with his kids having a good time. Now, him telling lies is inexcusable, too, but you should have fought that out between you two. Maybe the unpopular opinion, but yes, you’re the asshole."
Personally, I love that this mom set the record straight. She didn't start this mess, she just gave her kids the truth after their dad lied to them. And I totally agree that learning about budgeting at a young age could be a valuable skill. But now I'm curious: what do you think of this whole mess? Is OP the asshole? Does everyone suck? LMK your opinion in the comments below!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.