As someone who's mixed, I grew up hearing stories about people coming up to my mom and assuming she was my nanny. That was in the early '90s, and I can't believe it's still happening to people today!
Well, I recently saw this post from u/throwingaway123678 in the Am I the Asshole (AITA) subreddit where the same thing happened to this mother — someone came up and assumed she was the nanny. After she corrected the stranger, they doubled down and insisted her son didn't look anything like her. And this mom had a hilarious response! Here's the full story from OP:
BTW, if you've never heard of it, r/AmItheAsshole is a place where people can ask folks on the internet to weigh in on if they're being an A-hole or not in certain situations.
"I (22F) have a 1-year-old son called Rue with my boyfriend, Sean (23M). I’m North African, and Sean is Asian. Our son happens to look like a carbon copy of him. We joke that my genes weren’t used at all in the creation of this baby lol, so I’m aware that he doesn’t look like he’s mine."
"I was at the grocery store picking up a few things when this woman came up and started a conversation with me. She was asking about Rue, how old he was, his name, things like that. Then, she asked how long I’d been nannying for his parents. I assumed she thought that initially because I am kind of young, and I know most people don’t have kids as early as I did, so I told her that I was actually his mother."
"She sort of frowned, looked between my baby and me, and said, 'But he’s…Asian.' She said the word 'Asian' in a really weird tone, like she didn’t like saying it. The mature thing probably would have been to tell her that he’s Asian because his dad is Asian, and biracial people do, in fact, exist. But instead, I just gasped dramatically and went, 'Oh my god, are you serious?' I picked Rue up and held him at eye-level while asking how he was able to pull the long con on me and hide his true identity for so long. He giggled, which made me laugh, and the lady looked bright red and very annoyed because people were looking at us."
"She told me that she was just surprised because he doesn’t look anything like me, and I replied that I was surprised, too, obviously, because today is the first day I ever took in any of his ethnic features. Then, she said that I could have just answered the question she was obviously asking instead of making a scene. She walked off still looking pissed; I finished getting what we needed and then left."
"I was telling my mom about it because she called when I got back to the house, and she also thinks I should have just informed the woman that my son’s father is Asian instead of acting like a fool in the middle of the produce section. Maybe it was a bit of a jerk move to do it the way I did? But I mean, if I tell you the kid is mine, and you think the kid doesn’t look like me, wouldn’t the next best conclusion be that they look like their other parent? I just want outside opinions on if I was being an A-hole about this," she concluded.
As you might imagine, there were tons of comments for this one! Many people couldn't believe how rude the grocery store lady was:
"The audacity of people never ends. As a parent of biracial kids, you would not believe the stupid comments people make. ... You did well, I'd say. Dealing with really offensive stuff with humor is the best possible way. Yes, she was embarrassed, but she deserved to be. You didn't go clean off on her, which she probably deserved. Maybe she won't make the same assumptions next time."
"NTA (Not the A-hole), and I LOVE how you reacted. The woman was being invasive and nosy. It's none of her business. With adoption, fostering, and found families existing, we should normalize just saying, 'Of course, he's your son.'"
"100% NTA. People need to learn to stop saying or asking stupid crap AND not expecting someone to be sassy right back. Good for you."
A lot of commenters shared their own stories about people making assumptions:
"I am biracial Asian/Caucasian. My mom (who is the Asian one) was constantly called my nanny growing up. She was never comfortable correcting people and just pretended they were right. I wish she had done what you did and put people in their place instead of just letting them make assumptions."
"I’m adopted and don’t look like my white parents (I’m brown). I get asked a lot when I’m around them if I work for them. Or, sometimes just told, 'Oh, you must work for them.'"
And others took a more nuanced view:
"Technically, it could be seen as kind of an A-hole thing to do. It isn't nice to humiliate ignorant people...but multiple style points for the way in which you did it! As part of a multiracial family, I have seen again and again how people are just unable to take in the idea that people who don't look alike can actually make a family. I feel like people get one chance to ask/learn. But when someone doubles down like that, as this lady did, they kind of deserve to get cut off at the knees. NTA."
Personally, I think this mom's response was epic! People need to learn to mind their business, and I hope that lady in the grocery store will think twice before making stupid comments in the future. What do you think about this whole situation? Is the mom the A-hole? Not the A-hole? LMK in the comments below!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.